Dear Marching Band,
While I appreciate the effort being made to modernize the image of the marching band away from the John Philip Sousa-obsessed stereotypes, part of me is a little confused by the addition of such new hits like "Don't Phunk with My Heart." That part of me just wants to hear some classic Great American ditties. Maybe some "When the Saints go Marching In" or a little "Dun-Dun-Da-Dun-Da-Duuunnn... Charge!" Who doesn't love mindless cheers? So, if it's not too much of a bother, throw in a little of the old-school band stuff, if you don't mind.
Sincerely,
Eric Cunningham
Post Script: One possible exception is, of course, "Since You've Been Gone." I will love you forever if you play that at the Florida State game. Seriously.
Post-Post Script: And maybe if you know someone up in the Scott Stadium tech booth, tell him or her I feel the football players with the glowing eyes on the huge LCD strip screens are a little creepy.
If I ever became a city planner [note to self: Go back in time three years and apply to the A-School], I think I could make a pretty sweet city. The metro system would be a subway/amusement park ride. There'd be loops, hills, sharp turns and a "splash zone," and then when you got to your stop, you'd get a picture of 20 businessmen sitting in hard plastic seats, hands in the air, sticking their tongues out while descending below the city streets.
And cotton candy and churros would be available on every street corner.
You know what? Forget building my own city, I'm just gonna set up residence in Disneyland. Although at $8 per order of nachos, it's got to be the only place in America with a higher cost of living than Charlottesville.
I can't be the only one who finds the hill from the Corner to the Rotunda by the Range imperceptibly steep. It gets harder and harder trying to make it look like you're not tired after making that hike. It's bad enough that you have to pretend the books your satchel (read: man-purse) don't slap you in the butt with every step taken, but to fake normal breathing on top of that? Please. You ask too much.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who misses the TV show "Seaquest: Deep Sea Vehicle" ("Seaquest DSV" to those in the know). And then after thinking about it, it becomes quite clear that I probably am.
How did the baby dinosaur from the show "Dinosaurs" make "Not the mama!" become a catchphrase? America circa 1992, what was wrong with you?
[Insert ditto marks here with the phrases "How rude," "Did I do that?" and "As if!"] Actually, scratch that last one. Alicia Silverstone, I can't stay mad at you.
I speculate that Duckburg could have used a lot less Gizmo-Duck and a lot more Launchpad McQuack. Anyone who disagrees with me is flat out wrong.
Now that I think about it, both of those guys left Scrooge and the nephews for Darkwing Duck and the crime-ridden metropolis of St. Canard. I fear for what happened to Duckburg after being left defenseless against the Beagle Boys and their malicious plans.
One major disappointment is realizing that by creating the faux reality show "Tiny House," Geico has denied America the joy of actually having that show ever produced. Eventually, some network executive would have had the idea and we all could have enjoyed weekly antics about omelettes and awesomeness. But no, now we can only dream.
Regardless of how I die, I want my tombstone to read: "Here Lies Eric Cunningham: Buried Alive." That oughta turn some heads.
Eric's column runs weekly on Wednesdays. He can be reached at cunningham@cavalierdaily.com.
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