In the spirit of livin' it up as a fourth year, I've decided to reinstate some long-gone U.Va. traditions. Obviously, I can't bring them back all by myself, so I'm going to need some help. I can, however, bring back the phrase "cool beans," which I fully intend on doing as my lasting mark on this university.
Why these traditions ever left the University in the first place is a mystery to me.
Step 1: We need a dog. U.Va. in the '20s, '30s, '40s, and '50s welcomed two friendly canines to be school mascots: Beta and Seal. Beta attended dances, frat parties and even a class on Plato where his name was regularly called during roll. Seal gained notoriety after urinating on a UPenn cheerleader's megaphone during the halftime of a football game. The University community embraced both dogs, and hoards of students attended the dogs' funerals in the University cemetery.
Our new dog needs to wear a football helmet during football games and hang out on the field. This dog needs to play Frisbee on the Lawn and become a U.Va. symbol. I know just the dog. I nominate Tanner, the new SPCA adoptee that now lives at ZBT. Would it or would it not make your football game to see some crazy dog prancing around on the field defacing the opposing teams' gear or peeing on their drum majors? And would it or would it not be sweet to say, "Yeah, there's this really cool yellow lab that sits next to me in Art History"?
I'm sure Al Groh would love to see this tradition come back, and perhaps if a dog were in my classes, I'd have someone to blame the drool on.
Step 2: We need a Chick-fil-A billboard cow. In 1965 a live cow miraculously appeared on top of the Rotunda. It took 14 hours or some other ridiculous amount of time for officials to figure out how to get the cow down. No one ever found out who was responsible for the prank until one of the perpetrators admitted involvement during a speech at the 2000 Commencement exercises. This is obviously the best prank I have ever heard of.
Here's what I'd like to see someone do: Because using a real cow might inflict some damage to the Rotunda (God forbid) and might be considered animal cruelty, I think someone should use a fake cow and stick it up there. (Disclaimer: I am in no way condoning these acts of vandalism, theft and debauchery; I'm just saying it'd be a good prank to pull, and I'd love you forever if you were successful). Maybe we could leave it up there during graduation as a tribute to the '65 pranksters...
Step 3: Fill Mad Bowl with water, kegs and wild co-eds. I, Lindsay McCook of the graduating class of 2006, more than anything in the world, desire to see Easters brought back to U.Va. before I leave this University. I have heard stories from alumni, I have seen the pictures and I have dreamt almost every time I walk by Mad Bowl of seeing it filled with mud and thousands of students partying inside it. Sure it's dangerous, sure people could get injured, sure it created huge, insurmountable problems for the University and community at large, but I'm failing to see why this would stop anyone from having what was once called the nation's best party from being reinstated. If the administration is so appalled by the idea of being responsible for such chaos, let me propose this: Just go on vacation during the time when Easters will be held. Then we wouldn't have to worry about classes and could concentrate on celebrating not only Easter, but the the April 13 birthday of our dear Mr. Jefferson. We'll even clean up. I promise.
This spring fling blowout started back in 1825 with a dance in a pavilion and continued until 1983. The Purple Shadows (a secret society here on Grounds) left a "letter of scorn" in Dean Cantavari's locked house after his decision to cancel the festivities. The Purple Shadows won my heart for this. If I knew where Dean Cantavari was, I might just send him my own letter of scorn 23 years late, or at least I'd send Tanner over to pee on him. We don't do Openings or Mid-Winters weekends anymore -- just give us back Easters.
My fellow students, I implore you to make me proud this year. Start some new traditions (fork the Lawn!), keep up with the existing ones (heck yeah for streaking!) and bring back some of the oldies but goodies to make my dreams come true.
Lindsay can be reached at mccook@cavalierdaily.com.
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