I did a little study on myself this week in class to see exactly what it is that I do during class rather than pay attention (because I definitely don't). I feel like the results are pretty universal for college students.
So here's how I discovered a typical 12:30-1:45 p.m. Tuesday/Thursday class usually goes for me...
12:25 p.m.: Arrive in class early. Sit in the back, whip out The Cavalier Daily, peruse the A section.
12:27 p.m.: Clearly I don't care about the Nation & World stuff and flip back to the Life section. Read fellow columnists.
12:30 p.m.: Fold paper strategically so the Crossword, Jumble and Wonderword can be done without rustling the paper. Place under notebook. Uncap pen. Poise to begin note-taking.
12:31 p.m.: Professor begins lecture. This reminds me that I need to get out the planner and write down the homework for next class.
12:32 p.m.: Notice that I haven't color-coded this week on the monthly calendar and proceed to use blue, orange and pink highlighters to denote social, academic and University events for the week. VERY important.
12:36 p.m.: Well, since the planner's open, I should make a To-Do list for today.
12:40 p.m.: Obviously, I include things I've already done and proceed to cross those off so I feel like I've been productive today already. Check phone for time.
12:41 p.m.: Look up at professor. Realize he is the spitting image of my roommate's singing Billy the Big Mouth Bass.
12:42 p.m.: Imagine professor singing "Take me to the river..." Laugh out loud. Neighbor on left glances at me.
12:43 p.m.: Look back at neighbor on left. Snicker that he's working on the Jumble and hasn't gotten the last word yet. "YOBLUD" is "DOUBLY," you fool.
12:44 p.m.: Get out the Jumble. Do all the words in 5.6 seconds. This must be a world record.
12:45 p.m.: Glance at the su | do | ku. What is this business? NEXT.
12:48 p.m.: Damn. I've only gotten one clue in the whole crossword. This sucks. Wednesday's too hard. I can only do Monday and, like, three clues of Tuesday's. Check for text messages.
12:50 p.m.: I'm kind of thirsty. Good thing I brought my super-trendy Nalgene to drink from.
12:50:05 p.m.: Spill water all down the front of my shirt. Awesome.
12:51 p.m.: Realize I need to pee after drinking that water. Only 54 minutes left. GREAT.
12:52 p.m.: Examine nails. Am reminded of the "Mean Girls" quote, "My nail beds SUCK." Agreed. I'm sure the healthy diet of beer and Asian Express that I eat does a lot for them.
12:59 p.m.: Whoa. Spaced out there. Daydreamed about waking up tomorrow and finding all my work for the semester magically completed and having received e-mails from my professors saying I'm exempt from my exams because I've done so well. Check phone for time.
1 p.m.: Hmm. I'll just lean on my left elbow and pretend I'm taking notes.
1:18 p.m.: Fell asleep. Wake up because have kicked the desk during a dream. Girl on the right turns to glare at me.
1:20 p.m.: Wish that girl on the right would get her finger stuck in her hair since she can't stop twirling it.
1:22 p.m.: I wonder what the professor is talking about...
1:23 p.m.: Okay, I'll take some notes...
1:24 p.m.: I got "In comparison to..." and then I lost him. Whatever. I'll just do the reading.
1:25 p.m.: EW! Suddenly notice the guy who has taken his shoes off in class. His feet look like Frodo Baggins'. Sick, dude. Sick.
1:29 p.m.: The graffiti on this desk is pretty graphic. Somebody really didn't like Mary. Or Elaine. Yikes.
1:30 p.m.: Make a countdown of time left in class on the margin of my notebook. Cross off time in five-minute increments.
1:32 p.m.: Watch the squirrels out the window. Check for text messages again.
1:38 p.m.: Oh, crap. The professor just asked a question and is looking directly at me. What'd he say?? WHAT DID HE SAY?!
1:39 p.m.: Phew. Girl on the right answers. He was looking at her.
1:40 p.m.: Look around room. No one is paying attention, except girl on the right who is still talking.
1:44 p.m.: Still talking. Doesn't she know we end in one minute? Check phone time.
1:45 p.m.: HEY! CLASS IS OVER! STOP TALKING!
1:46 p.m.: Professor cuts her off. Excuses the class. Thank God. I couldn't take much more. I need a nap.
So, now you know, if you ever need to borrow notes, don't ask me. Unless you want my pretty doodles and drool stains.
Lindsay's column runs biweekly on Thursdays. She can be reached at mccook@cavalierdaily.com.
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