I have to say that this is my lucky week. Recently there have been no insanely dumb commercials for me to ridicule and no old-school game systems for me to fall in love with again. Any other week I would have nothing to write about, and you all would probably be subjected to some lame column about movie quotes or fan clubs. Well, thanks to Halloween we can all take a nice sigh of relief. Now I get to write about awful costumes and complain about bad candy. Here are the best and worst from this past weekend:
Random Interactions
Best: Meeting some complete stranger whose costume has a theme similar to yours. This, by rule, means you are now best friends. "Hey Luigi! I'm a dressed like a Mario! Yeah, let's go jump on some Goombas!" Next comes a high five and an awkward pause followed by "Hey ... yeah, you remember that time we had similar costumes? Yeah, that was pretty sweet, huh? Hey, what's that?" You know what that is? That's when you run away.
Worst: Meeting people who wear really obscure costumes and get offended when you ask what they are. "Me? Are you kidding? Hello, I have an apple on my left shoulder, and I'm wearing a yellow hat ... I'm Czechoslovakia, duh." There should be a couple of Halloween rules about this kind of stuff. First of all, you can't wear anything that takes more than five seconds for somebody to figure out, and if it's a costume that needs explaining, it had better be damn funny. Also, don't actually think about the Czechoslovakia thing, it will make your head explode.
Costumes
Best: The two first years who went as their dorm. These kids fashioned a giant cardboard Dunglison complete with stairwells, balconies, and suites. Although the costume was money, they get most of their points because that thing must have been the most uncomfortable and inconvenient outfit in history. Imagine somebody cutting a couple of holes in a giant cardboard box, tossing you and your buddy into that thing and pushing you into a crowded frat party. That is some dedication, and I salute you, Dunglison.
Worst: Fortunately, no costume in particular stands out as the worst of the weekend. There are always the really low-maintenance, last-minute getups, but as an insanely lazy person, it would be hypocritical for me to criticize these costumes. In general, guys dress funny, girls, let your inner skank out. Hey people, I don't make the rules, I just follow them.
Candy
Best: You can't have Halloween without eating your body weight in candy corn. This is another rule of the holiday. Candy corn is the best Halloween candy because it's Halloween-specific. You can always eat a Milky Way or a Snickers, but who eats candy corn in June? Nobody, that's who. During a heated candy-related discussion, my friend Brad pointed out that "candy corn is great. You can eat a pound of it, and you're still hungry, but then you feel like you're going to throw up." How can you argue with that? Hooray candy corn!
Worst: Those crap candies that are always partially opened when you go to steal them from a passing child's trick-or-treating bag. Everybody knows about those nameless lollipops that come in colors, not discernable flavors. "Ohh, I got purple! You mean grape? Nah, I think it's shepherd's pie." That is gross. I honestly can't even believe I thought of it.
Well, this has been fun. I think I speak for many when I say Halloween is one of those rare events that's a blast when you're a kid, and even more fun when you're older.
Also, I don't steal candy from children's bags. I usually just grab the entire bag. Little kids have short legs and can't run very fast.
Yeah, stealing from kids ... always a good note to end on.
Eric's column runs biweekly on Tuesdays. He can be reached at ast@cavalierdaily.com.
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