In yet another meaningless competition of celebrity rankings, it was announced this week that Owen Wilson has officially been named "Hollywood's Hottest Bachelor."
... Sorry, Derek Zoolander.
The Cavalier Daily reported this week that a U.Va. student was charged with obstruction of justice after an altercation with the police related to underage drinking. Apparently the student removed the handcuffs she was placed in and escaped from the police car. That is one amazing trick. Is David Blaine not 21 yet?
Well, it probably wasn't him. David Blaine would have sat on the police car for forty days until everyone got bored. Then he'd escape.
We all thought last week's election was over, but even eight days later, the race for attorney general is still too close to call. While it's probably not socially acceptable any more, I long for the days when an attorney general acted more like a general and less like an attorney (and certainly not like those wimpy postmaster generals). Forget vote recounts, let's just have each candidate lead his or her party on the battlefield like in "Braveheart" (or the American remake, "The Patriot"). Whoever leaves clutching a tattered American flag gets to be Virginia's top bureaucrat. And spend the rest of his life in an office.
At Bodo's, when you place an order, they give you a number and you wait until it's called. You sit there staring at your number, partially to burn its image into your mind so you don't forget and become 'that guy' who isn't paying attention and partially hoping through sheer mental effort you can make the number get called. My fear is that one day my number will actually end up getting called before someone else who got there first, resulting in the Tremendous Jealous Death Stare. "Order number 501? I'm 498! That's like one hundred more! Injustice!" they'll cry.
I suggest switching to an adjective-based food-serving system, so you really can't judge who came first and therefore who deserves to get served first. "Now serving, 'Victorian.' Order number 'Victorian?' Anyone? How about 'Perforated?' Who here has order number 'Perforated?' Sir, you'll have to settle down. We're not even close to 'Eternally Patient.'"
It would be great if there was a designated national holiday called "Pranksgiving," a day in which we all sit around a dinner table and plan pranks. Ashton Kutcher approves.
I suppose you could do it without the family dinner. And not in November, but April. And just call it April Fool's Day. I ... am not good at this.
For those of you who don't know, there's a mailing list called "Hoos Sober" that sends a weekly e-mail about non-alcoholic events on Grounds. The University would forever be in your debt if someone created a spin-off list called "Hoos Hungry" that sends a weekly e-mail about events that have free food at them. Seriously, someone should do this. Your reward would be all the Buck's Pizza and Aramark catering you could eat.
For being classified as clichés, there are a lot of movie phrases that I just don't hear enough of in real life. I'd like to be able to speak entirely in film phrases like, "The time for action is now," "Look me in the eyes and tell me the truth," or :::Car explodes::: "Talk about killer traffic." And then when all my friends get tired of these catchphrases, I'll accuse one of them of turning the rest against me. To which that person will undoubtedly reply: "No, Eric," :::Dramatic pause::: "You did that yourself."
The Commonwealth of Virginia got some pleasant news when Time magazine released its list of top governors in America and our own Gov. Mark R. Warner was ranked among the nation's best.
... Sorry, Gov. Zoolander.
Eric's column runs weekly on Wednesdays. He may be reached at cunningham@cavalierdaily.com.
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