After this weekend's winter storm, I'm completely convinced that snow is the ultimate in procrastination devices. Saturday morning came and I resisted for a while. But then, next thing I knew, it was Sunday afternoon, all the snow had melted and I'd been sledding down a mud hill for three hours.
If snow weren't around, I bet so much more would get done. That's the reason Antarctica isn't a country. It's not that no one lives there, everyone's just too distracted to get around to forming a nation. Declaration of Independence: July 1776. Zero chance of snow. This is not a coincidence, people.
Suggestion for Virginia athletics: I know it's coming a bit late, but I figure now we've got a whole year to figure out the copyright issues. Next football season, whenever someone fumbles the ball, HooVision should play a five-second clip of the video from "Drop it like it's Hot."
I'll be the first to admit it: Avril Lavigne, America wants you back. The studded wristband industry is suffering great losses in the 14-year-old girl demographic. Please return to us. We promise to stop misspelling your name.
... But to be fair, it's gotta work both ways. "Sk8ter Boi" isn't even close.
While we're at it, Norah Jones, you can come back too. I'm tired of going all the way to the Barnes & Noble Café to get the chance to listen to your gentle, rich blend of acoustic coffee jazz. I've never been thirsty for music. You work wonders, Ms. Jones.
It's been quite some time since the first instance where I heard someone say the phrase, "J.K.!" to mean they were just kidding. I thought it'd go away, but it is clear that it will not. I guess it's time to embrace the inevitable and adopt a completely Internet-based verbal language model. Colon, open parenthesis.What happened to the bird flu scare? It was just a couple of cases here and there. Bird flu? More like bird fluke! Right? Right?
... I hope in 30 years, futuristic college newspaper archivists* don't read that in the light of the impending viral armageddon and think I'm medically insensitive.
*Why would this job exist?
This past week, The Cavalier Daily has been abuzz with letters to the editor debating the merits of the official student sports fan group, the Hoo Crew. I don't want to land on either side really, but I will say that I'm still bitter they went with "Hoo Crew" as the name instead of my own submission. It was a play off of the Duke "Cameron Crazies," but with a bit of Virginia intellectualism. I called them "Academia Nuts."
If you're anything like me, you've still got "Drop it like it's Hot" stuck in your head. Pharrell, you are a whiz with the tongue clicks.
Dear Nabisco Company,
I do enjoy your Oreo cookies and I truly appreciate your commitment to really exploring the world of wafered confections. Halloween Oreos, Mint Oreos, Peanut Butter Oreos and, of course, Double Stuf Oreos. If I may, I have a lofty suggestion: Triple Stuff Oreos. Take humanity's cookie-making science to its breaking point. Develop super-dense sugar or some sort of self-replicating frosting. It's clearly the next step in this cutthroat industry.
Sincerely,
Eric Cunningham
P.S. If you need me in your labs as some sort of ultimate taste-tester, I will heed the call of duty. If not, you can find me in my basement, attempting to develop chocolate so rich, light cannot escape its surface.
Eric's column runs each Wednesday. He can be reached at cunningham@cavalierdaily.com.
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