Music is the soundtrack of our lives," said the great Dick Clark. I couldn't agree more.
But if that soundtrack starts to suck, does life get worse?
Imagine how well "Star Wars" would have been received if Fred Durst had replaced John Williams as composer. I don't think Luke's final stab at the Death Star would have gone quite as well if "Break Stuff" were playing on his dashboard radio.
Just as a good soundtrack is a crucial component of a great film, life seems infinitely better when accompanied by great music.
To this end, I've recently realized my long-time goal of buying a record player and starting a vinyl collection. My massive mp3 playlist and affinity for the "shuffle" feature notwithstanding, there's just something purer about pulling a record out of its sleeve and setting the needle to vinyl.
My new toy has been a lot of fun, but it hasn't done enough. Despite my best efforts to recapture the golden age of rock, I can't escape some of the just plain terrible music currently being (over)produced.
I've decided to take it on myself and address these "artists" directly. Perhaps by personally answering some of the questions posed by their hit songs I can dissuade them from writing more and do my part to better the soundtrack of all our lives.
Nickelback: Photograph
Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red?
And what the hell is on Joey's head?
According to Wikipedia.com: "the red-eye effect in photography is the common appearance of red eyes on photographs taken with a photographic flash. The light of the flash occurs too fast for the iris of the eye to close the pupil. The flash light is focused by the lens of the eye onto the blood-rich retina at the back of the eye and the image of the illuminated retina is again focused by the lens of the eye back to the camera resulting in a red appearance of the eye on the photo."
As for your second query, I can only begin to guess what's on Joey's head. I assume, however, that the answer is not relevant enough for me to be forced to hear the question five times a day when your damn song plays over and over at the AFC. Maybe you should call Joey and ask him directly, rather than channeling your ridiculous question to the rest of us. Some of us have real jobs ... and haircuts.
The Black Eyed Peas: My Humps
What you gonna do with all that junk
all that junk inside that trunk?
I'm gonna sell it at the same garage sale where you'll be selling your Grammys when everyone realizes how terrible you are and you're left destitute, talentless and alone.
And by the way, about those "lovely lady lumps" -- you should probably get them looked at, because they might be cancerous.
Pussycat Dolls: Don't Cha
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
I prefer my girlfriends medium well, thank you. Raw meat can give you diseases. Speaking of disease, maybe the real question you should be asking is, "Don't cha wish your girlfriend had the clap like me?"
Chris Brown: Yo (Excuse Me Miss)
Is your man on the floor?
If he ain't, let me know.
Uh oh
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