Is he the one? Find out in five minutes!!! Solve all your lover's quandaries with our Cosmlo quiz exclusive:
You're trapped in a burning building where the only hope of escape is your burly, manwich of a lover. Trouble is, his limited-edition Stretch Armstrong figure is also stranded 10 stories up, those mysteriously sinuous limbs within inches of a fiery death.Your man has a choice -- save you or save Stretch. Choose the answer that best represents his most likely course of action given the dire consequences and we'll tell you if he's the one.
A. You or Stretch, this is a no-brainer -- which is a good thing because your boo's not known for his IQ. He saves Stretch and leaves you to roast like a hotdog at a tailgate.
B. You know your baby is mature enough to appreciate the balancing act required in any successful relationship. That's why you know without a doubt what your hottie-hero would do. He'd save you and grab Stretch too -- the extra few seconds would only cause minor scarring burns, and that ain't bad.
C. Turns out that firefighter costume wasn't just to heat things up in the bedroom. Your guy comes in spidey style and swoops you up just in time -- within seconds of the falling roof beam, of course. To top it off, he does all this while swinging from a rope made of bed sheets, and finishes the impressive feat by presenting you with an I'm-so-sorry-you-almost-died-of-smoke-inhalation bouquet.
If you answered E. none of the above: DING! DING! DING! You don't make sense of your man from a magazine quiz and you certainly can't sort the possibilities of partnership into categories A, B and C. When it comes to the stickier situations -- questions about last night's date, a relationship issue or a break-up breakdown -- it's ridiculous to assume you'll ever be able to come to a clear conclusion. And to imagine breaking down a love/life question into multiple-choice format is downright dumb.
This philosophy -- the whole "the only answer is: There is no answer" one -- might seem obvious, and in some ways it is. Most of us stopped seeing the world, and our boyfriends or girlfriends, in terms of black/white or hate/love by the time we graduated middle school (hopefully). However, before you deem yourself fully matured, consider the following troubling addiction that you, yes you, may have at this very moment.
Consider your consumption. No, not how many tubes of Pringles you consumed over spring break or how many VH1 specials you watched last semester. Consider your consumption of books, magazines, TV shows and even everyday conversation that surrounds the analysis and over-analysis of relationship questions.
That's the pot calling the kettle black! If you're mouthing this in your mind you're getting the picture. This column is a prime example of our need to seek and strive to answer the ultimately un-answerable. To rationalize the purely emotional. To make sense of the nonsensical and to intellectualize the life out of our love lives.
We've all been there, up late wondering: What went wrong? Should I call? Whose fault was that fight? How will I know which one is the one ... is there a one? If you had a hamster when you were a kid, and if that hamster had an obnoxiously squeaky little exercise wheel ... well, then you know where this analogy is going. Sometimes pondering and pensiveness gets you just as far as the pee-stained terrarium you started in. You're moving your little feet but you're going nowhere.
So furry friends, allow yourself the wheel only in moderation. It can be cathartic to talk out your issues: to bounce them off a friend, your mom, the wall. But recognize that the mathematics of many relationship matters are thus: ?s + time = more ?s = (*&#$#*&$!! Yes, that's right, we just used symbols to express our thoughts (U + me = us, anyone? ... anyone? ... Bueller?)
So when you find yourself on the squeaky wheel, sometimes the only solution is to jump off. Separate pure fact from what is purely postulation. Sift out the what-I-know-for-sure and the what-I-can-do-right-now and leave the rest behind in the woodchips.
Megan and Meghan's column runs bi-weekly on Tuesdays. They can be reached at fanale@cavalierdaily.com and moran@cavalierdaily.com.
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