Sounding off ... to the Races!
I wanted to begin my column with an apology to a very special reader, whose feelings I accidentally hurt two weeks ago. So, to copy the one and only Eric Cunningham:
Dear Orange Spandex Girl,
I'm very sorry for hurting your feelings. It's not your fault that you wear orange spandex, and I shouldn't have mercilessly made fun of you. You could wear way worse. Plus, at least they are orange -- no one can mock your school spirit. Wahoowa. I hope you have a merry summer.
Sincerely,
A. S. Jospin
P.S. I'd appreciate it if first years would stop threatening my life.
Now, onto a subject that really gets my blood boiling. Well, not really, but I had to write about something. Boys in designer jeans. Most people would think that I would like that. Guys who know how to dress well, put together outfits, etc. -- we could go shopping together! I really do like people to wear cute outfits -- I don't like to hate, but sadly sometimes I'm forced to. Honestly, though, guys who know about Citizens, Sevens or True Religion jeans? Or who are actually wearing them? If your outfit cost more than mine, that is not a turn-on. I find it strangely demoralizing if a boy can tell where I got my jeans from by studying the back pockets. After all, that's my job. Therefore, do I like boys in designer jeans? NO! For fear of ruffling many double popped collars and gelled heads, I'm going to have to follow Cher in "Clueless" who begs the question, "After all, what would I bring to the relationship?"
Now, to the most important matter at hand: Foxfield clothes. So the standard Foxfield uniform is girls in sundresses, pearls and big hats, guys in ties, etc. That's all good and well, but the major dilemma is that my AccuWeather tells me the high on Saturday is going to be 59. 59! As in Saturday will be in the fifties. For you Virginians that might be acceptable weather, but as a legitimate Southerner, I'd have to say that is just not practically-May weather. Who seriously wants to wear a sundress when it's that cold outside? Not me, and I live for this kind of thing. So, what's the solution? If you aren't a wimp like me, you can still wear your sundress and just brave the cold. But I think that sounds pretty miserable, trekking in the mud and cold in a dress. So here are some solutions to this conundrum. I've been pondering these alternatives through many a boring class. Enjoy:
A Long Skirt. This is pretty much a boring option for girls, but if you're Scottish, a long kilt would work in more or less the same way. Fairly self-explanatory, but this way you're semi-dressed up, and you can still wear a big hat.
A poncho. A huge, bright yellow poncho with Crocs. If everyone wears this, maybe it won't rain. Sure, we'll all look like a bunch of crazies in a cult waiting for a tsunami, but liquid-proof attire is always a good plan at Foxfields.
A bathing suit. The positive to this outfit is that you can make use of the natural Slip-N-Slide that the fields will become. The downside -- you'll freeze your butt off.
Uggs. I know they're out of style, but I still like them. They'll be completely ruined, but it's probably time. And you'll be warm.
Jeans. That's right little freshmen ****** (sorry, I don't really hate first-years, I'm just a big "Dazed and Confused" fan). You can wear blue jeans and no one will stone you. Wear them with a big floppy hat, maybe a seersucker blazer -- I think that totally works. Or you could put your sundress on top of your jeans. Probably not the most attractive option, but at least you won't freeze to death. Plus, seersucker is always attractive -- so it will redeem virtually any outfit.
And that's all folks. I know you guys will probably wear sundresses anyway, but I had to try.
P.S. If you send me a Facebook hate message, I will be sad. I would probably like to make fun of you in my next column but sadly(ish) the year is practically over. This is my last (and second) column of the year. So keep it classy, U.Va. Don't get mud all over your cute Foxfield clothes, and make sure to go streaking at least once before summer. I'll see y'all at the Lawn.
Alex's column runs biweekly on Fridays. She can be reached at jospin@cavalierdaily.com.
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