Fittingly, our last column begins with the last man any of us should probably turn to for relationship advice: the unforgettable, poster boy of generalized anxiety, Alvy Singer of "Annie Hall." If you haven't seen the film, get to your Netflix queue stat, but for now, you can just peruse the following two-second plot summary: "Annie Hall" (1977) is the tale of the not-so-storybook romance of Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) and Annie Hall (Diane Keaton). The two get together, grow apart and rehash their past dating disasters in this quirky take on Manhattanite mating.
Old Woody, er, Alvy, may be discombobulated, over-analytical and pretty sexually unattractive. He still, however, manages to come up with quite a few gems: perfectly quotable, socially commenting snippets that make you think he might know a bit more about relationships than you'd think.
One of the classics is a poignant allusion to our favorite cartilaginous carnivore, the shark. "Relationships are like sharks, you know," Alvy says to Annie, "if they stop moving, they die. And I think what we've got on our hands here is a dead shark." Smooth move, Singer. This major league break-up line makes "It's not you, it's me" look like third-string on the farm team.
Alvy's on to something here, we think. Besides being good trivia knowledge, and a tricky way to drop the hatchet on a going-nowhere love affair, his shark metaphor packs a philosophical punch when it comes to partnering up.
Despite his diminutive size, Alvy's shark statement is a bold one. One that might cause star-struck lovers who still believe time can stand still to scoff. And one that strikes fear into the hearts of commitment-phobes everywhere.
It makes us wonder: Is this true, Alvy? On one level it's not true. There are certain sharks that need not be moving to stay alive. But that's a whole 'nother column.
For relationships, Alvy might be on to something real, no matter how scary that might be. When you come to think of it, it's hard to put your finger on any real relationship that stays the same. Couples grow more in like and then love and then, if they're unlucky, out of love again. And even if a relationship isn't moving by its own accord, every pair of people that moves through life together will come to forks in the road that will force them to move forward and also make them choose which way to move.
These forks come in the form of graduations, geographic changes, developments in health or body, job offers, marriage proposals, babies. Basically, life is change. Therefore, stagnancy is death. Point: Alvy.
Enter, Peter -- Pan, that is: the champion of staying young, hoarding happy thoughts and never changing ... never, never. Peter Pan is the anti-Alvy, the opponent of realism and a fighter for fantasy. Though most of us opt not to don the green spandex, there are more than a few who would prefer to adopt a Pan way of life: staying within their own personal Neverland -- whether that be the University, perhaps, or a place in their relationship with a significant other that's removed from the requisite changes of the adult world.
Peter avoids making the tough calls in a relationship like a bath. The Peter in all of us would rather face Hook than the inevitable changes looming over our relationships: changes like graduation, or getting closer emotionally. The Peter in all of us wants everything to be fun. The Peter likes where things are and wishes they could stay that way.
In the battle between these two little men and their big theories on life, it's hard to pick a winner. In their own stories, both seem to wind up losers: Alvy goes to Los Angeles to win Annie back but finds he's much too late. Peter remains in Neverland but without the Lost Boys and Wendy.
So, fittingly (again), we've arrived smack dab in a moderate middle; a compromise of a conclusion. A great relationship can pause for a nap and still stay alive, unlike a Great White. And staying forever young, never-changing, could get pretty lonely. Therefore, the best place to land yourself might be Sometimesland, where at times you make a move, but at others, you allow yourselves to rest for a moment on a particularly comfortable tree branch.
Megan and Meghan's column ran bi-weekly on Tuesdays. They can be reached at fanale@cavalierdaily.com and moran@cavalierdaily.com.
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