Unlike the world of Ducktales and Darkwing Duck, which apparently exists in a parallel universe populated by intelligent super-mallards, the world of Rescue Rangers takes place in our own reality, albeit animated. All of this begs the question: How can Fat Cat own and operate a large factory? The feline mafia is truly amazing.
If Keith Olbermann is half as reliable as he is smarmy, then Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's recent steps to the forefront of immigration issues signals a desire for higher office. I, for one, look forward to a President Schwarzenegger. Perhaps someone will finally take heed to my suggestion of eliminating the Department of Agriculture and replacing it with the Department of Pop Culture. Agriculture is just not a relevant department anymore. Trust me, Johnny Appleseed was the Suri Cruise-Holmes of his day. It's only appropriate.
Sorry, Awkward-Beard-Guy and his faithful mustachioed companion, but Mythbusters are just wannabes that failed out of Ghostbusting School. Bone up on your Properties of Ectoplasm handbook, buy a Ghost Trap and Proton Pack and then we'll talk.
The Hook reported a while ago that the median cost of a home in Albemarle County jumped 41 percent in just the past year. I blame the overnight popularity of the show "House, M.D." Oh, Dr. House, for you, M.D. stands for "meanness degree" with a concentration in badass-ery. You see the "rules," "bureaucracy" and "Hippocratic Oath," and you firmly say, "No, thank you." And then you tack on some nonchalant witticism. You're like James Bond. If he were a doctor. And old. And if, when he killed people, it was primarily by accident.
Saturday morning, tickets to the Dave Matthews Band concert at the John Paul Jones Arena went on sale. Almost immediately after the ticket booth opened, the venue sold out, leaving most students out in the cold. In a slap in the face to those of us here, there was no student presale. However, those who could get access before the official sale date were, predictably, University donors. Oh, and of course, the Hoo Crew.
Facebook needs to settle down. There's no need to change things up. You're golden, Mark Zuckerberg. We don't need another spot for away messages, we don't need walls and discussion boards for facebook groups, and we don't need to know when people updated their facebook 13 seconds ago (my lonely weekends are no longer a secret). Zuckster, you're like "Saved by the Bell" circa 1993. We didn't need to go to Hawaii to still love Zach's unique ability to get out of some serious pickles. And we don't need high schoolers. I guess that's where the SBTB analogy falls apart.
Is it possible that our generation's television-focused upbringing has provided us with inefficient means of dealing with problems in the real world? While I am truly an avid fan of Nickelodeon's "Double Dare," it's a rare condition for a TA to offer a physical challenge when I don't know the answer to a question.
It's also a rare condition to use the phrase "It's a rare condition" when not singing the "Family Matters" theme song.
Dear Tony Shalhoub,
Congratulations on the success of the cable-hit TV series, "Monk." As the star of the show, you have gained tremendous network capital and now have the chance to utilize it. As an avid fan, I feel this is the perfect time to implement Operation Neurotic Taxi Cab Driver. NBC has dragged its feet on the would-be mega-success of a "Wings" spin-off featuring the one and only Antonio Scarpacci.
Sincerely,
Eric Cunningham
P.S. Accents are funny! Come on!
P.P.S. Due to absurd social mores requiring that fourth-years graduate in May, this is my last column. I'm gonna miss this.
P.P.P.S. H.A.G.S.!
Eric's column ran each Wednesday. He can be reached at cunningham@cavalierdaily.com.
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