I've got some bad news, people. I hate to say it, but I'm pretty sure the world is going to end soon. I can sum this realization up in two words "yo momma."
Now before you get all huffy, I promise I am not referring to the wonderful matriarch who brought you into this world. Chances are, I don't even know your mother, unless you're one of my buddies, in which case I might know your mother very well, hah! (Sorry, I couldn't resist the juvenile jab).
Back to the point, your mother is not causing the end of the world, but I'm pretty sure "Yo Momma," MTV's new show where contestants spit everybody's favorite mother-bashing jokes at each other, is.
The show is hosted by Wilmer Valderrama, better known as Fes from "That '70s Show." He shows up on camera trying to be all street-tough and hip. Basically, he's playing Fes all over again. Instead of a foreign exchange student trying to fit in with a bunch of suburbanites in Wisconsin, he's a lame Hollywood type trying to act "street." I think a new nickname, Feh, Foreign Exchange Host, is probably fitting in this case.
The best part of it all is the entire show tries to make the little battles look like real, hard core events. I'm pretty sure people who actually have some semblance of toughness don't stand across from each other and hurl insults we all heard in third grade. I honestly wouldn't know, but to me, it's like old musicals, where gangs didn't fight, but just walked in circles and snapped their fingers.
The show takes each contestant from their "hood" -- their words, not mine -- and, at one point, the words "you guys are battling for the pride of your hood" were said. I remember one of the contestants being from East Los Angeles, and I was wondering if at some point, the victory on "Yo Momma" would play into an argument somewhere down the road. It's like when the Marlins won the World Series a few years ago -- I had bragging rights and could squash anybody who wanted to argue baseball with me. So, is a victory on the show the be all and end all for area arguments?
"Hey, don't mess with me, my boy held it down on 'Yo Momma.' Yeah, that's right, back off. You know what's up!"
Crazy.
What bothers me as much as Feh is the crowd. That's right, there are actually people who show up to watch this event live. I thought people were supposed to grow up, but apparently there are hundreds of late teen to twenty-something people who take time out of their obviously not busy days to stand around and watch people do this kind of crap. It's like grade school all over again, when somebody would make a "cut down" and everybody would chime in with their ohs and ahs and various hooting of sorts. Even back then I shook my head in disbelief of how stupid my classmates were, and I was like 8!
Before I completely jump off of the subject, there was one, just one, joke on the entire show that made even me chuckle, and I feel compelled to share it with you all.
"Yo momma is so poor, Angelina Jolie adopted her."
Now that's humor!
Now to something that makes me less angry -- my laundry. I was at thewasher the other day when I realized I had too much laundry for one load, not quite enough to split into two -- clearly poor planning on my part. At that point I went into sinking ship, women and children first mode. I was like, "Oh no, there's not enough room, towels and boxers first! Towels and boxers first!"
I think there may have been a string quartet playing in the background at the time, too. I'm not quite sure.
While I was sorting out the most important items, I couldn't help but think of those stories you hear about how some men dressed like women to get on lifeboats of sinking ships. Suddenly the concept of one of my t-shirts masquerading as a pair of underwear to sneak its way into the washer amused me.
Well that's all the nonsensical rambling I have for this year. I'm thinking about having my columns actually make sense next year, but probably not. Keep in touch over the summer!
Eric's column runs bi-weekly on Tuesdays. He can be reached at ast@cavalierdaily.com.
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