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Snakes on a Plane: Online Exclusive

I would have loved to have been in New Line Cinema's conference room when this movie was first pitched.

"Hey, guys. I've got just the movie for you. Get this -- it's called Snakes on a Plane. Snakes on a plane! And we've got Samuel L. Jackson in our cast!"

To be honest, I have no idea why New Line accepted such a ridiculous film idea. Somebody must have been very convincing in that conference room. Perhaps they knew that they had a cult classic on their hands.

Cinematically, Snakes is absolutely awful. It is unnecessarily and purposefully over-the-top when it comes to violence. There are snakes biting places that should never be bitten, people beaten violently with baseball clubs and stiletto heels squashed into people's faces. Characters are shallowly and two-dimensionally developed. If someone were going to die in the film, you could tell within moments of their introduction. The lines are ridiculous and laughable, culminating in phrases such as "Great, snakes on crack!" and "Someone get this snake off of my ass!"

Given these factors, there are at least three things necessary for one to enjoy this movie.

(1) You must realize that this film is, in reality, a comedy. If there is a cheesy line, don't complain about it -- laugh at it. This may be difficult to do in the midst of all the cheap thrills and graphic visuals, but without a sense of humor, the majority of the film, and all of the dialogue, will fall flat.

(2) You must know that, above all, anything that Samuel L. Jackson does is the embodiment of awesome. If you don't get ridiculously giddy whenever Jackson says or does just about anything, many of the movie's best moments will be lost upon you.

(3) There must be active audience participation. On Snakes' opening weekend, there were rubber snakes thrown around in the crowd, cries from the audience such as "Quiet! I'm trying to listen to the plot!", and standing ovations whenever Jackson delivered a particularly poignant line. This is the chief attraction of Snakes -- the excitement of the audience is tangible. I have never experienced anything like it in a movie theater.

Unfortunately, it is now virtually impossible to meet this last requirement until Snakes is released on DVD. Let's face it -- tickets have nearly reached market saturation. All the hardcore fans have already seen it, perhaps a few times. As such, theaters are bound to be sparsely populated.

So, for now, seeing the film offers no more entertainment than any other cheap B movie. We'll have to wait for the DVD release and Snakes on a Plane parties before we can change that.

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