Now that clubs have begun to meet, I need to vent. Many people come up to me and ask, "Chris, why are you involved with so many clubs? They take up so much of your time. Wouldn't you rather be sitting around your apartment thinking up fart jokes and occasionally eating something from the back of the refrigerator?"
In truth, yes, I would rather be doing those things, and probably would if I had never attended any of the University's activity fairs. As you no doubt know, this yearly fair consists of aisles upon aisles of student clubs' booths, with club members -- not unlike deep-water fish -- attempting to lull unsuspecting first years in with bright yellow flyers. The fair allows one to sign up for clubs, an activity that during these fairs I do more times than I blink. I just feel very guilty about saying "no" to someone, a character flaw that leads me to sign up for way too many clubs, most of which I have no reason at all for joining. For instance:
Club Member: Are you into Underwater Painting?
Me: No, I'm allergic.
Club Member: Okay.
Me: Gosh, you sure are pushy. Give me the sign-up sheet.
Then there are those clubs you would feel guilty not signing up for, such as the Asian Student Union.
ASU Member: Do you support diversity?
Me: Umm. Yes?
ASU Member: Do you have anything against Asian Americans?
Me, sighing: Give me the sheet.
Because of this, I'm a "member" of the Black Student Alliance, the Belly Dancing Club, University Democrats, University Republicans, the Atheists Association, RUF, Not-RUF-But-Still-Pushy and the Underwater Painting Squad. I get more e-mails from clubs I shouldn't be in than I do about Viagra. Part of me wants to remove myself from these lists, but I'm afraid I'll be sent an e-mail accusing me of being a bad person. For example:
Dear Extremely Bad Person Who Left Our List For Obviously Selfish Reasons,
We would appreciate it if you answered the following questions, so that we at the Club Against Racism (CAR) can better understand your decision:
1. What is it about oppressed minorities you do not support?
2. How long have you been a full-blown racist?
3. Now that you support bigotry, how do you live with yourself?
Sincerely,
A Good Person (i.e. not you)
Such e-mails scare me about as much as running into the booth of that club I was involved with for one semester before cutting off all ties with it, either because of apathy or because I decided to get drunk and send an e-mail to the mailing list explaining in rather impolite words no longer than one syllable what I really thought of all the members. As a totally unrelated side note, I have recently discovered that many volunteers at Madison House know extremely creative synonyms to the phrase, "You Poopface." Anyways, I always pass these booths hoping nobody working it remembers me.
What I usually do in these situations is deny my involvement:
Club Member: Chris, is that you?
Me: Perhaps.
Club Member: What happened?
Me: What do you mean?
Club Member: You co-founded this club and then left it.
Me: I don't think so.
Club Member: Yes, you did. You founded it with me. For God's sake, it's The Shuptrine Club!
Me: Doesn't ring a bell. You don't look familiar.
Club Member: I'm Casey Shuptrine! I'M YOUR BROTHER!
Another great aspect of the activity fair is the chance to see people whose names have totally slipped your mind. I blame it on the summer, a period when your brain tries desperately to forget all about school, including what classes you took, people's names, and who or what the Rotunda is. This makes for some interesting conversations:
Me: Hi, Tommy.
Other Person: My name is Casey.
Me: Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.
Other Person: FOR GOD'S SAKE, CHRIS, I'M YOUR BROTHER!
After the fair is over, I have always managed to join at least 45 new clubs. Of course, I don't attend the meetings, or remember to pay dues, or even know what each club's acronym stands for, but I am still on the mailing lists. Which means weekly I receive 300 e-mails recapping meetings I was unaware of, which may sound fun, but if you're trying to weed through your mailbox for all of your very important Viagra e-mails, then, trust me, it really isn't.
Chris's column runs bi-weekly on Mondays. He can be reached at shuptrine@cavalierdaily.com.
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