According to SicillianCulture.com the phrase, "Non essiri duci sinno tu mancianu, non essiri amaru sinno ti futanu," roughly translated means: "do not be sweet lest you be eaten, do not be sour lest you be shunned."
In other words, all things in moderation.
Most personality traits exist on some sort of a continuum, like confidence. At one end you have shyness and at the other you have arrogance. People who are either shy or arrogant are that way because of some underlying insecurities. And, let me tell you: women smell insecurity like dogs smell fear. Although men do not seem to spot insecurities as easily, we use another term for it: baggage. And boy, do men hate baggage.
Women, like men, are hypocritical animals. They always seem to want some of a personality trait, but not too little or too much. Generally, women want a happy medium in every personality continuum. Here are a few examples:
Women like men who need them, but they don't want a guy who is either clingy or too vulnerable.
Women like men who are funny but not all the time. They must also know how to be serious.
Women like men who care about their appearance enough to dress well. But if you dress too well, she might call you Liberace behind your back.
A woman wants to be the stereotypical "woman" in a relationship, but she does not want to sacrifice any power in the relationship to do so. She wants you to hold the door, but not order her meal. She wants to feel like she is being protected (that's why women usually don't date shorter guys), but she doesn't want you to start any fights. Buy her flowers and pay for her meal but don't assume you are getting anything out of it. Makes sense, right?
If you want a woman to like you, you have to make her feel like she is the master of her own destiny. If she thinks that you have a plan or an ulterior motive, you are not getting anywhere.
It all makes you wonder if there is a single thing women will always want. To be honest, I don't think there is.
Relax, it's not all as depressing as it sounds.
To be honest, the best way to get a woman is to be yourself. This is not corny, and I'll tell you why. If you decide to just act like yourself all the time, I will guarantee you will come by fewer women. Now, why would I give you advice that will make it harder for you to get women?
Quality over quantity, my friend. Think of it this way: If you acted like yourself all of the time, the only women that would be attracted to you would be ones who liked you for who you are. A comforting thought, isn't it?
Sure, picking up women is fun, and I enjoyed doing it for a few years, but it's not all it is cracked up to be. Whenever I have been on the prowl for the past year or so, I have been doing what I like to call, "throwing curveballs."
A "curveball" is something that you personally feel insecure about. Whether you like Star Wars or telling politically incorrect jokes or even if you happen to enjoy the pleasures of sadism and masochism, a "curveball" is something that you think a girl who you are interested in will not like about you if she is around you long enough. So "throwing a curveball" is making a joke about it. Self-deprecating humor in moderation (see above) is a good thing. If she laughs, good. If she walks away in disgust, forget her.
Do you see where I am going with this?
Why worry about all of the little crazy things about women that drive men nuts? The best part about throwing curveballs is that you will eventually meet someone who will be interested in the same weird stuff that you are.
If you are interested in something more short term (like overnight), there is hope for you all too. It turns out, after years of meticulous research, that there are some women who are actually looking for a short fling too. So what do you do?
Throw a curveball.
I'm dead serious. Make a joke about having a one-night stand. Sure, you will scare away a few women, but they probably weren't looking for that kind of night. So why bother with them in the first place if that is what you are after? When you do find a woman who is looking for the same thing you are, you couldn't ask for a better night. If you spend the night enjoying yourself instead of beating around the bush, it makes all the difference.
The overarching point is to just be straightforward. Why try and trick a woman about your intentions or who you are? It creates more problems in the long run anyway. Act like yourself and you can never go wrong.
Colin Clark is a Health & Sexuality columnist. He can be reached at colinclark@virginia.edu.
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