Normally, we're not supposed to use our columns for personal causes. For instance, we can't write about how awesome Hoo Crew is if we're in Hoo Crew. I know, I know -- that would never happen anyway. I was just setting up a hypothetical scenario where Hoo Crew doesn't suck.
Maybe I shouldn't say things like that when Graham Tucker is in one of my classes.
Anyway, I'm being bold and breaking the rules here, in my very first column. It all started the last week of summer vacation. Everyone kept telling me I needed to start packing early or I'd leave something behind. I thought to myself, "All of my stuff is still in the boxes I moved back with. I can't mess that up." Well, I can. Let me just add in that hurricanes, while not any fun to begin with, are made considerably worse when you've been wearing the same pair of shorts for three days. Anyone want to help me with my laundry?
If it'll help me get a laundry partner, I should mention that the free time I gained by not packing was spent with my girlfriend back home.
[Collective "Awww" from all the girls reading. Lots of scoffs and manly grunts from all the guys.]*
As a Life columnist, I feel obliged to let everyone know when I trip and fall into one of those valuable life lessons. FYI: Long distance relationships are annoying, painful and very time-consuming. Never subject yourself to one or it will eat your soul ... unless you're with someone wonderful who makes it all worth it. Phew, that was close. Nice save.
*You may be wondering why I predict the reactions of entire genders and think it's ok just because I used brackets. Well, it's easy when you use predictable situations. Allow me to demonstrate: The weather gets cold and the miniskirt goes into hibernation. [Men everywhere fall into a deep depression that lasts the entire winter.]
Puppies.
[Women think "cute!" and immediately forget why they were yelling at their boyfriend.]
Ed Cao walks in the room.
[All the girls swoon.]
Maybe my system needs a little work.
When I first joined The Cavalier Daily, I honestly thought people would start recognizing me on the sidewalks and random people would comment on my latest column. I was going to be cool. ::Starts daydreaming:: Now I know that being a Life columnist simply means that you're the last thing people see before they turn to the comics page to do their Su do ku. Oh well, at least I don't write for the Opinion section. Sports is where it's at. They get their pictures in color!
Back when I had Facebook (before Zuckerburg went nuts and changed everything), one of the things I noticed in almost everyone's profile was "Garden State" listed as a favorite movie. With Zach Braff's new movie in theaters now, I can't keep myself from commenting on it. Even though I haven't seen "The Last Kiss" yet, I know it will be good. With talent like Braff and writer Paul Haggis ("Million Dollar Baby" and "Crash"), I don't see how this movie could be bad.
I'm going to make my Oscar predictions early this year: "The Last Kiss" takes Best Picture on the strength of its careful examination of young love, unjustified angst and racism. One of the main characters will get in a horrible accident at the end and be crippled for life. We will all learn an important lesson about the value of life. The last scene will either be Zach Braff delivering a cheesy line about love or staring blankly off into space with that "is this life?" expression on his face. Pure Oscar Gold.
It's possible that I shouldn't be so sarcastic when writing about a screenwriter who has produced the last two Best Picture winners and the guy who wrote, directed and acted in a movie that everyone in college has seen. After all, they don't listen to Avril Lavigne songs for inspiration while they write.
That's not going to help with the "being cool" thing, is it? I think I just fell into another one of those important life lessons.
Ed's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. He can be reached at edcao@cavalierdaily.com.
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