Mullet: n. Any of several marine or freshwater, usually gray, cylindrical fishes of the family Mugilidae.
Well, actually, nobody cares about that kind of mullet. The kind of mullet I am writing about is not defined on dictionary.com. Other names for this monstrosity that help describe it include the mud-flap, yep-nope, Missouri compromise, neck-warmer and Tennessee top hat. It is a hairstyle, a movement, an epic disaster that humiliates the habitants of high school yearbooks. The mullet may be just a way to style your crop, but it has had a gigantic influence on the quality of life since man first made tools that could cut hair.
There is actually no way to define the mullet. It is a hairstyle that has been in and out of fashion since the beginning of time. Back when the caveman lived, there was no alternative to the mullet. Long hair provided insulation from the Ice Age occurring outside of the cave. Long hair, however, could get mixed up in the raw wooly mammoth meal waiting at the table or blind the hunter who was making a kill in the wind. The front hair just had to go. That was the first mullet. Actually, I just made that up.
The mullet probably originated, as the writers for the Web site http://members.tripod.com/cpratt1999/mullet/ state, from the fishermen in Iceland, who, as luck would have it, fished for mullets (defined in the first paragraph) and needed the extra hair to protect their necks from the harsh northern seas. As this site is not the most reputable I have come across, this fact cannot be verified. Yet it would seem logical that, because it is so tasteless, the mullet would be introduced from necessity rather than style.
The next time the mullet is seen on the timeline of hairstyles is less from necessity and more of a fashion statement. Although the mullet was not a rage until around the time we were born, incidents of mullets can be see everywhere. I call these accidental mullets. You know all of those movies where the medieval prince is pretty hot, but he has a little shag in back? Well, apparently, princes didn't have time to cut that overgrowth. Take, for instance, Lord Farquaad in the movie "Shrek." (I note here that this is not a linear statement. To clarify: I do not think he is hot). He definitely is sporting a mullet. Or what about during the Revolutionary War, when the drummer boy lost his hair ribbon -- those "not too long," yet not short, locks could be mistaken for a mullet. Some of us might have even experienced the mullet cut ourselves. I myself was a victim. My mom claims that it was because my hair was too thin when I was a kid to wear normally, but I think she just feels guilty.
Finally, if we ignore the time periods when the mullet was not in and when mullets were mere "accidentals," we arrive at the 80s. Enter Billy Ray Cyrus, John Stamos and David Bowie. Enter shoulder pads and leggings; enter neon colors and high-tops. The 80s were the only time period when the mullet was voluntarily cut. The 80s were when most of us were born. I hope that there is not a linear connection there.
Whether the flock-of-seagulls look, the rock star 'do, the European hair that often accompanies tight jeans, the scary gym teacher quaff, the hick's fall-back prom style or the trashy skunk-striped mess that shows up in pictures from the past and forever haunt the wearer, the mullet has had an impact on all of our lives.
Where would rock and roll be today if David Bowie didn't sport the 10-90 (that is, for you ignorant folks, 10 percent of the hair in front, 90 percent in back)? How cold would peoples' necks be without the beaver tail? There is even a mullet walking around here at the University, you know who you are -- I have seen you, Mr. "Business up front and party in the back." As trashy as it is, I appreciate the mullet for its practicality and originality -- I hope you do, too.
Maggie's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. She can be reached at jones@cavalierdaily.com.
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