A guy purportedly by the name of Brody Ruckus just had his 15 minutes of fame. About two weeks ago, he started a Facebook group called "If this group reaches 100,000 members, my girlfriend will have a threesome." As of Sept. 13 (when Facebook administrators took the page down after exposing the group as a marketing scam), the group had over 300,000 members. Andy Warhol would be so proud.
Threesomes can be perfectly healthy for relationships. I think what bothers people the most about threesomes is the idea of sharing. Most people are uncomfortable with the idea of letting some other woman or guy have sex with their significant other. To be honest, not everyone has this hang-up.
Sure, threesomes are not for everybody, but they can make a perfectly normal relationship more sexually exciting for everyone involved. I think deep down what most college men fear more than anything about a committed relationship is that this may be the last relationship he ever has. In fact, most married men are committed to never having sex with another partner for the rest of their lives.
A married friend of mine told me that she had put a jar in her room and during the first year of her marriage she put a penny in the jar for every time she had sex with her husband. After the first year is up, she started to take a penny out of the jar for every time she has sex. She told me that she doubted that she will ever empty the jar.
Are all marriages this lifeless? Obviously not, or there wouldn't be any marriages left. However, over the past few decades divorce has seemed to rear its ugly head to the point where as many as one in four marriages end in divorce.
How many of these marriages died because of a lack of passion? Maybe sex became too dull and the couple began to fight more. Maybe one person in the relationship just decided to stop having sex entirely because it became boring or a hassle.
Threesomes may offer long-term relationships some spark. The excitement and energy can be reinvigorating for some relationships if certain rules are followed.
Rule #1: Both people should want a threesome. I'm sure Brody Ruckus's girlfriend feels slightly betrayed by being paraded around like a piece of meat. Unless she likes that sort of thing.
Rule #2: The third party should be chosen by the person of the same sex. For instance, the woman should choose the other woman, and vice-versa. This is crucial because it is usually harder to allow your partner's attention to be divided than yours. In other words, if you are a guy, would you let your girlfriend choose the other guy for the threesome?
Rule #3: Define the rules of engagement. Is it okay to penetrate? Should the time be spread evenly between the two other people? As silly as it may sound, the more you communicate with your partner about what you are or are not comfortable with may save you and your partner many headaches.
Realistically, you should make every decision with your partner and be completely open and honest. Even if Dr. Phil says that communication is the key to a relationship, the guy who is telling you to have a threesome is also saying it. Talk to your partner. If you think a threesome can save a dull sexual relationship, go for it.
Colin Clark is a Health & Sexuality columnist. He can be reached at clark@cavalierdaily.com.
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