Traditions mean a lot here at our University. We defer to our founder, Mr. Jefferson, on everything from architecture to exercise. Our honor system continues to hold the student body to a higher standard more than a century after its creation. But for this small-town girl who appreciates the simple pleasures in life, the best tradition here at the University is streaking through Mr. Jefferson's beloved Academical Village.
While I'm not sure it's what TJ had in mind when he designed the original buildings of his beloved institution of higher education, streaking is as much a staple of student life as Sunday brunch at O-Hill and wondering why your American Politics class is in Gilmer. I'm a stickler for tradition, so while I may support a student's right to streak, I believe there is no excuse for not following correct streaking procedure.
Here are the rules:
Step 1: Drop your drawers at the Rotunda. The best idea is to get a reasonably sober friend to hold your clothes, otherwise you may have to spend several naked moments frantically searching for your bra.
Step 2: Run to the Homer statue and kiss his butt. Not like when you need a better grade on a paper, but actually put your lips to Homer's gluteus maximus.
Step 3: Run back to the Rotunda.
Step 4: Continue up the stairs to the doors of the Rotunda and peer through the keyhole at that semi-creepy statue of Mr. Jefferson inside. Remember to make eye contact. It's a sign of respect.
Step 5: Put your clothes back on.
These instructions are not only meant to inform first years who may not know the essentials, but also to inform you upperclassmen who failed to follow correct procedure that your streak did not count.
Hurricane season is annually a popular time to consume copious amounts of alcohol and proclaim with extreme enthusiasm, as if you were the first person to ever think of the idea, "Oh my gosh ... We should streak tonight." My roommates and I, drinking a few brews at home during Tropical Storm Ernesto's reign over Charlottesville, decided our Friday night entertainment would not be to streak, but rather, to watch streakers.
Accordingly, we headed to the Lawn and crashed a party where we only vaguely knew a few people. Two of my roommates wandered up the Lawn in search of a restroom that doesn't require a personal background check and came upon a few guys who were contemplating streaking. Then -- and I must add here I have never been more proud of my roommates -- they not only proceeded to convince these guys to streak, they instructed them on the proper etiquette. They even sang the "Good Old Song," because scoring touchdowns and promoting streaking deserve the same response.
I guess our plan of watching streakers had not been that original, because the partying Lawn residents proceeded to pour out of their rooms just as the streakers got naked, flashlights in hand. My personal favorite moment was when a fully dressed reveler kicked a soccer ball to the streakers, who were good sports and passed the ball around for a few feet. Our night was complete.
As for that guy who streaked before the football game last Saturday in broad daylight, in front of many tailgaiting Lawnies and their parents -- I don't know who you are, but I consider you a hero of our time. Truly, they should replace the statue of Homer with you. Maybe don a toga for posterity's sake.
Speaking of Lawn residents, as a fellow fourth year, I'm ashamed of you. There's some sort of vicious rumor going around that a few residents of the Academical Village complained about the streakers and security has been upped in response. Seriously, people? I mean, I realize you are the best and brightest our class has to offer, and it therefore follows that you are dedicated students.
So I understand that the loud noises that streakers often make or the mere distraction of naked people running past your door at all hours of the night could perhaps be disruptive to your studying. At the same time, you knew going in to this deal that streaking was a component of life on the Lawn. I'm hoping this ugly rumor is completely unfounded. Lawn residents should not be protesting against streaking, they should be cheering those crazy kids on. It's what Mr. Jefferson would have wanted.
Laura's column runs bi-weekly on Thursdays. She can be reached at lsisk@cavalierdaily.com.
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