After months of lollygagging, flip-flopping and theatrical swashbuckling, I believe it is time to enter into a substantive debate about the real issues at hand.
These issues are vital to the future of all concerned parties and represent a crucial turning point for a society lost in desperation. To ignore them and refuse a substantive debate would be to shirk our civic duty.
In an area of policy that has been badly mishandled for years, bipartisan guilt is obvious, as is the need for open and sustained discourse.
There must be accountability for our actions regarding this set of priorities. Let us waste no more time making vain, self-righteous calls for action. Let us unite on a unilateral basis and bring about the necessary resolutions.
But what is actually going on? What does this all mean? These are the dramatic and compelling questions to which we must devote our undivided attention. Let us direct all our intellectual and material resources toward the realization of meaningful and inclusive talks.
Yes, there are several opinions as to how best to fulfill these monumental goals. Some say all we need to do is examine the facts, and the answers will follow naturally. But how can we possibly do that if no one can agree on what the facts are? That's why I believe we should consider not only "the facts" but also anything that anyone could potentially conceive as being a fact.
This topic must be treated seriously at once, so let us cease from making pointless and ineffectual statements about it. Instead, let us look at its core components. There are three fundamental points that will bring everything into perspective:
1) The fact that we need to talk.
2) Why it is that we need to talk.
3) What exactly we are supposed to be talking about.
Out of these, I would say numbers one and three are probably the most important, right after number two.
But we can't just say we have to talk about it; we have to sit down, hold hands and start getting at the heart of the matter. Let's look at the root cause of the present stalemate -- what set the whole thing off? Only then will we be in a position to exchange significant words.
The ordeal we are facing has spurred an unprecedented number of petty invectives and wanton arguments. But what good has come from such idle banter? None, and that's why I, for one, am taking a stand. The progress we are seeking will never be achieved under circumstances of mindless bellyaching and counterproductive name-calling. So quit it, stupidheads.
I am here to convey not just my frustrations but also my concrete solutions to the multi-faceted problem before us -- unlike the many politicians you see babbling on television. I want to show that it is still possible to speak out in a clear and sensible way. And I will start doing that just as soon as everyone settles down and a forum for substantive debate has been established.
It's a shame how disingenuous the media are being, what with all their unqualified editorials and contrived literary nonsense. Thanks to them, I can't even trust myself 100 percent. Our commentators are a bunch of whining idiots who don't even understand the ideas they criticize. They're the reason this whole discussion has become completely ridiculous and inane.
Many continue to press their desire for a return to the meat of the debate, but they do so only to call attention to themselves and get their names printed in the paper. Does anyone even know what they're saying anymore? It seems our only weapon against frivolity is frivolousness. What a sad, sad state of affairs.
The situation may be grim, but don't pay any heed to the outrageous and trumped-up claims that we could be headed for disaster. If you do, then surely we are all doomed for calamity.
Don't be swayed by critics' use of large, pretentious words or popularized slang terms which have no real significance. Those critics are merely rabble-rousers who agitate and exacerbate the status quo.
Don't believe all the hype surrounding this issue. You want to know the truth? It is not as serious as they would have you believe. But it is more serious than they believe it is. And that is the true truth.
Dan's column runs each Wednesday. He can be reached at dooley@cavalierdaily.com.