Alderman: Phew, am I glad that week is over. The work never ends!
McCormick: Dude, I feel you. Thirsty Thursdays are killin' me.
Alderman: Yeah, that's rough. So how was everyone else's week?
::Hereford stares blankly back at Alderman::
Alderman: You know, Hereford, the whole quiet and antisocial thing gets old. Maybe it's time to transfer somewhere where you'll fit in, like the College of William & Mary.
McCormick: Dude, Alderman, leave the guy alone. Besides, we all know Brown is the weird one here.
::Brown stops working on his mashed potato sculpture::
Brown: Screw you, douchebag. Don't you have a frat to rush?
McCormick: Dude, chill. All I'm saying is that there's a line between artsy and crazy, and you're walking it.
Brown: Yeah, well at least I don't start most of my sentences with "Dude." Oh, and I don't wear sunglasses indoors, either. What, you think those make you cooler?
McCormick: Cooler than you ... DUDE.
Alderman: Sick burn!
::McCormick pops his collar:: The song "Poppin' My Collar" plays in the background.
Alderman: Where the heck did that come from?
::Everyone looks around:: When the search ends and focus has returned to the table, McCormick has managed to pull off a double-pop and a front-tuck into his plaid shorts.
Hereford: Double-pop? Where did you get that second shirt from?
Alderman: OMG, he speaks!
Brown: Yeah, real witty there, Alderman. Don't you have anything better to do than try to impress McCormick all the time? We all know you're jealous of him and his disproportionately hot girlfriend.
Hereford (mumbling): Yeah, it must be so hard for you to talk with his [inaudible] in your mouth all the time.
McCormick: Fellas, you need to back off. Alderman doesn't need to copy me to be cool -- he's his own man.
Alderman: Yeah, I'm my own man!
Brown: ... I'm just going to let this moment sink in for a while.
McCormick: Dudes, I think you don't like Alderman just because he's friends with Echols and Rodman.
::Rodman looks up from spelling "boobs" on his TI-89::
Rodman: Hey! Don't lump me in with Echols. He thinks he's smarter than everyone.
Echols: What?! I do not think I'm smarter than anyone here. That's totally Jefferson's thing.
::Jefferson looks up, thinks about it for a moment, realizes it's true and goes back to writing the Declaration of Independence::
Alderman: All right, this is getting really petty. Can't we all just be happy that none of us ended up like James Madison?
::Everyone nods silently::
Brown: Ok, I can't eat this anymore. What's the deal with this food?
McCormick: I don't know, dude. But this ice milk stuff is sa-weet!
Alderman: WTF is ice milk? Where are we?
McCormick: This is O-Hill, you know, the dining hall.
At that moment, someone with long, flowing hair sits down at the table.
Brown: Who are you?
Unknown: Me? I'm Dean. You may remember me from my lightning-fast card swipe when you came in.
Brown: No, I don't think I do. Anyway, what's with the big grin?
Dean: Oh, I just pulled off my first no-look, behind the back, quadruple card swipe. I made a lot of fans today.
Brown: That's cool ...
Dean: Hey, while I'm here, can I interest any of you in EMPSU?
Before anyone has the chance to answer, Kathy, the Super-Happy Friendly Lady at Newcomb, tackles Dean.
Kathy: Don't let him bother you. Have a nice meal now, Sugar. *wink*
And everyone at the table is left with a warm feeling inside.
Ed's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. He can be reached at edcao@cavalierdaily.com.
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