We, the Virginia basketball fans, in order to form a more perfect universe, establish crew cuts, encourage facemask-wearing, provide for the common defense of the paint, promote the generous use of elbows and secure the blessings of victory to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the one and only "Legion of Lars."
Article One, Section One.
The Legion was formed for one reason and one reason alone: to glorify the human steamroller (and lay-up master) that is sophomore forward Laurynas "Lars" Mikalauskas. Coming off the bench for the Cavaliers last season, he proved time and again that he would rather break his face (which he did) than let the likes of North Carolina's Tyler Hansbrough push him around under the basket. While some Wahoos danced around the perimeter, Mr. Mikalauskas hustled like there was no tomorrow, routinely taking on players four and five times his size. For this we owe him our undying loyalty. Operating from its headquarters in Palanga, Lithuania, the Legion will not rest until Mr. Mikalauskas gets the admiration (and permanent starting spot) he deserves.
Article One, Section Two.
Like the well-known "Assemblage of Cain," the Legion does not discriminate against other Virginia basketball players. "Legionnaires" are encouraged to cheer long and hard for any Cavalier on the floor, particularly for those who display the hard-nosed, selfless playing style that Mr. Mikalauskas is famous for. That said, cheers for these other players must not reach the decibel level reserved for Mr. Mikalauskas.
Article One, Section Three.
Legionnaires must be able to recite, on command, the statistics thrown down by Mr. Mikalauskas during the 2005-2006 season, or as it will be known in the Legion, "Year One A.A.L." (After the Arrival of Lars). These include his basic 6.2 points, 4.5 rebounds and 23.6 minutes played per game, as well as his nine blocks and 87 personal fouls on the season. Every self-respecting member of the Legion must also recognize that, while Mr. Mikalauskas led the team in field goal percentage (57 percent), he did not attempt a single three-pointer all season. This is a skill Elton Brown never mastered.
Article Two, Section One.
Legionnaires are encouraged to attain at least some degree of fluency in Lithuanian, Mr. Mikalauskas's native tongue. Before games, members will taunt the visiting team with a rousing chant of "Užsiciaupk! Pasitrauk!" (Shut up! Get lost!). Also, after Mr. Mikalauskas makes an opposing player look silly with a particularly devastating rebound or flagrant foul, Legionnaires might consider informing the hapless victim that "Aš jau turiu mergina" (I already have a girlfriend). These language skills will be especially useful during the Legion's annual pilgrimage to Eastern Europe.
Article Two, Section Two.
Game attire is extremely important for any prospective Legionnaire. Fans, both male and female, are encouraged to sport their hero's trademark crew cut. Points will also be given for any member wearing the same über-intimidating plastic facemask that trainers gave Mr. Mikalauskas after he broke his nose in multiple places last season. It also goes without saying that Legionnaires will be expected to get as close as possible to Mr. Mikalauskas's playing weight of 255 pounds.
Article Three, Section One.
Certain holidays will be set aside on every Legionnaire's calendar as national days of remembrance. From this moment on, March 9 will be known as "Double Double Day" in honor of the time Mr. Mikalauskas notched 11 points and 12 rebounds against Virginia Tech in the first round of the 2006 ACC Tournament. Similarly, Nov. 18 will now be "Point-a-palooza" in honor of Mr. Mikalauskas's career-high 14 points against Liberty in 2005. Finally, all Legionnaires will observe Feb. 25 as "The Day Coach Leitao Came to His Senses" -
Read More
Volleyball holds off Boston College in tight five-set win
By Lauren Halak | 16 hours agoSenior outside hitter Elayna Duprey led the team throughout the match with 22 points and 18 kills.
Virginia annihilated 41-14 in a must-win contest versus North Carolina
By Peter Kriebel | YesterdayJust about everything that could have gone wrong for Virginia football went wrong.
No. 24 women’s soccer not to be denied in late win over Clemson
By Sam Chun | 2 days agoThe Cavaliers topped Clemson 1-0 in front of a packed out Klöckner Stadium.
