I'm sure you've had something explained to you at one point in your life that was followed by the phrase, "It's not rocket science." The implication was that whatever task you were being asked to perform or understand was simple and uncomplicated since rocket science represents the pinnacle of complicated-ness.
After doing a little research, I discovered this term surfaced in the Han Dynasty in China between 206-220 AD. This is the period in China's history when people began experimenting with gunpowder and fireworks (the early ancestor of today's ICBM's) under Emporer Wu.
The story goes like this:
Rocket Scientist: "And when I ignite the wick, a big kaboom happens for reasons that you, unlike me, will never understand."
*Ignites wick, "kaboom"*
Emporer Wu: "Wow, that's like some Harry Potter stuff right there. Manservant, make me a latte so I can sit here all day and watch this thing go kaboom some more."
Manservant: "Umm ... how do I make a latte?"
Emporer Wu: "Jeez, it's one-third espresso and two-thirds milk. It's not rocket science."
*Manservant commits ritual suicide in shame*
Those were the good ole days of rocket science -- back when monks sat by candlelight, scribbling on scrolls using complicated algorithms and various other mathematical techniques that I can't think of right now to calculate thrust, trajectory and how to make the explosion different colors, among other things. Nowadays these things are calculated by supercomputers, assisted by genetically enhanced geniuses. All the glory that was once a staple of the profession has gone by the wayside, newly replaced by Intel chips and [probably] robots.
The point is this -- rocket science isn't rocket science anymore. It's mechanically enhanced and all but replaced by non-human labor. And this is what the rocket scientists don't want you to know. Ever since the invention of the computer in the early to mid-20th century, rocket scientists have been perpetuating a conspiracy designed to keep non-rocket scientists in the dark as to how little skill it takes to actually be a rocket scientist.
A rocket scientist working for NASA can make upwards of $125,000 per year. That's almost four times as much as the average working person in today's society. It's a supply-and-demand issue -- NASA is willing to pay so much for rocket scientists because there are so few out there in the job market. Almost no one wants to take the time and effort to become one, and absolutely no one wants to work as hard as a rocket scientist once they have become one.
Obviously this conspiracy needs to be broken and exposed to the general public. Our tax dollars are going to regulatory agencies like NASA that are hiring rocket scientists at a gross premium purely because they assume that they play a pivotal role in the invention and use of rockets, when really they hardly do anything besides turning the computers on in the morning when they come to work and turning them off when they leave. Anyone can be a rocket scientist, just like anyone can be that guy at the McDonald's window who hands you your food and as such, it should pay what the McDonald's window man gets paid -- minimum wage.
Americans cannot and should not be held hostage to the outdated and wholly inaccurate belief that rocket scientists are somehow smarter or better than the average person, or that only after two dozen years of graduate schooling can a person become one. These self-appointed kings of science are nothing but undeserving geeks who are so inflated with their own self-importance that they have pushed a conspiracy so far into the American consciousness that it has invaded our vernacular with that ridiculous phrase.
In my book, corrupt kings get dethroned. I call for a worldwide boycott of rockets and missiles and basically anything else that uses a self-propulsion system to go anywhere until these geeks come clean to the world, admit that anyone who can play Minesweeper can be a rocket scientist, and take drastic pay cuts in addition to paying reparations to all those who have been misled as to the complicated nature of rocket science. This should be a Marxist revolution against the rocket scientist class. Down with the elites and up with the proletariat. It's time for the common man to be in charge of our missile programs. God bless America.
Jim's column runs biweekly on Tuesdays. He can be reached at russell@cavalierdaily.com.
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