Seriously, if one more person says anything to the effect of "I'm bringing sexy back," I will punch them. In the face. When did our generation start taking such an interest in Justin Timberlake songs?
::Remembers the past 8 years::
Oh. ...
After my last column ran, most of my friends lied to me and told me they liked it. They also mentioned that they weren't sure there was much of a point to anything I said. I'd just like to clarify that this column isn't meant to give you any deep insights into college life, change the way you see the world or give you advice of any type. If you look to a goofy, Asian Life columnist (see picture) who has to steal his column title from a long-dead English poet, you may have a few issues I can't fix.
Aside from our much vaunted Life section, The Cavalier Daily takes pride in its comics page and the clever social criticisms it contains. One such criticism was brought up by Jon Weber and Steve McHail, the creators of "Show Me Your Moves." They ran a comic ridiculing Michael Conroy's "Snowglobe," Conroy took issue and an entertaining battle of wits ensued. Sadly, the two comics have reconciled their differences and the world has lost just that much humor. In related goings-on at The Cavalier Daily, Dan Dooley's column is both pointless and stupid. Bring it on, Dooley.
Speaking of things I don't like to read (smooth burn, I know.), I can't be the only one who hates reading his Econ. textbook. For some reason, I always hear Ben Stein reading to me when I crack the thing open. This might explain why I can't stay awake long enough to read more than two pages at a time. That, in turn, might also explain my grade in Econ. Maybe it's time to change my major. Anyone want to give me one of those deep insights into college life?
Bueller? Bueller?
Oh, Ferris Bueller, little did I know how much hardship your innocent day off would bring. While we're on the topic of movies ruining my life, I have some beef with Zach Braff. Despite making fun of him in my last column, I'm actually a big fan. Unfortunately, I lost my Garden State DVD last week. Now I have a DVD case and all it holds are my tears.
Wow, I really have no business making fun of Dan Dooley, do I? I'll admit, his last column (about that Robert Frost poem found in the Special Collections Library) was brilliant. However, it did bring a few burning questions to mind. First, I wondered what the inside of the Special Collections Library looks like. Has anyone ever gone in there?
After that, I started doing some real thinking. Our school has a long history and great traditions. Most of that can be attributed to the initial work of our founder, Thomas Jefferson. So, in a column full of questions, I ask you this all-important one: What would life at the University be like if good ole' T.J. still ran things?
1) Our football team would be able to take pride in victories over teams other than Duke and Wyoming. Think about it. A recruit can't say "no" if Al Groh shows up and asks: "Would you like to play for one of the fathers our your country?" This scenario is faulty, of course, since Thomas Jefferson never would've hired Al Groh to begin with.
2) We wouldn't have pillars EVERYWHERE on Grounds. We have a "living history" here at the University, which means that we can adapt to changing times while still maintaining our traditional sense of arrogance and self-entitlement. Columns are a thing of the past -- it's time to move on to something new. ::Realizes that the only friends he's making with this statement are in the A-School:: On second thought, maybe the columns aren't so bad. Go play with your T-Squares, A-School losers.
3) The term "Jefferson Scholar" would have a totally different meaning, if you get what I mean.
4) Even I don't get what that means ...
5) Finally, Jason Cain would shave off his prepubescent mustache and give up on facial hair altogether. This has nothing to do with Thomas Jefferson. I just thought someone should say something.
Ed's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. He can be reached at edcao@cavalierdaily.com.
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