Halloween is this Tuesday, although it started yesterday for many here at the University. While first years are probably sick of hearing advice, and at this juncture figure they are finally well-adjusted members of the community, I must make one small comment to spare some embarrassment: This is not the Halloween you remember. By high school you had probably stopped dressing up, unless you went to a small school like mine where, for some reason, you felt an obligation to make a fool of yourself as a fat ballerina. Regardless, my guess is that in the past few years you may have gone to a Halloween party or two, but Halloween was generally just an excuse to steal candy from small children or see a few of the sluttier girls wearing, well, slutty costumes.
Welcome to college. Everyone dresses up to go out in the days preceding and continuing onto Halloween, namely Thursday through Tuesday this year. The general consensus for a girl is the skankier your costume, the better. I assure you that you do not want to be the one girl who took Halloween seriously, much like Lindsay Lohan in "Mean Girls" who wore an actually frightening outfit.
This is your chance! Even if you generally stick to pearls and polos, this weekend you can break out the Playboy bunny outfit, the sexy maid or whatever other excuse you can concoct to wear your lingerie in public. In the words of a few very clever people, I feel like it's fine.
Boys have it pretty good on Halloween, don't you think?They get to wear their standard uniform and call it "frat boy" or something of the sort. Or, if they're feeling really creative, they can be Thomas Jefferson, Ali G or Quail Man. A pimp is always in style, and with minimal effort, otherwise known as wearing a bathrobe, they can have a flank of sexy angels surrounding them all night. I hate to wax misogynistic, but boys really seem to have figured this holiday out to expend a minimum amount of effort with maximum benefits.
Yet if for some reason you want to expand your costume outside of the standard skank vs. pimp, here are a few ideas that I have come up with and/or stolen from other people. After all, you don't want to wear the same outfit six nights in a row. Gross.
Girls:
John T. Casteen, III: When a boy does this it is a touch obvious, but if a girl did I think it would just be plain cool. Same goes for Thomas Jefferson.
Mischa Barton/Marissa from "The OC": Now I know "The OC" is a little passé, but who didn't at least secretly enjoy seeing Mischa with a head wound? Extra points if you can find a "Ryan" to carry you around while you make pathetic whimpering sounds.
Banana: As probably my favorite source of potassium, I may be a tiny bit partial to bananas. Regardless, this is always a classic unisex pick, and everyone likes to freak dance with a banana. Extra points if you find a way to make it revealing.
Guys:
Aaron Carter: I have heard "House of Carters" is either really good or really bad, although I can't actually remember which. Whatever. Although he used to date Hilary Duff, Aaron is a verified gangster now, with tats and the personality of a crack dealer. Therefore, my friends, I feel he has the potential to be a great costume.
Mark Zuckerberg: Now, I think this would be an interesting character, because everyone knows who he is without really knowing the real Mark Zuckerberg. Is that disembodied shadow of a face on Facebook him? I doubt it, because that guy is kind of hot, which I can't really envision for someone who dropped out of Harvard because he got so into his online database. The beauty of Mark Z. is that you can be whatever you want to be, much like the U.S. Army if the U.S. Army had created the greatest stalker tool known to mankind.
Note to first-year girls: Even if you can think of no name for your costume besides "prostitute," that does not mean you have to hook up with the first "pimp" that comes your way. Note to everyone else: If any dwarves need someone to trick or treat with, hit me up.
Alex's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. She can be reached at jospin@cavalierdaily.com.
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