A lost poem composed by Robert Frost was recently uncovered by a University graduate student. While it's both an exciting historical discovery and a marvelous addition to Frost's body of work, the poem itself serves as a stark reminder that we as students are being constantly bombarded by a disproportionately Western perspective in education, even at the hands of deceased Westerners like Frost.
The poem also contains many troublesome and intellectually challenging stanzas, such as the opener:
This is a poem by Robert Lee Frost,
Up until now it's been totally lost,
I thought it was time to surface again,
When I heard about the ongoing Capital Campaign.
The foresight which these lines demonstrate is rare among (Western) authors, as any (non-conservative) literary scholar will tell you. How could Frost possibly have known about the current Capital Campaign, having died 40 years before its conception? The answer, my friends, is Western-centric devil-magic. But the second batch of lines is even more striking:
You know that one I wrote about the road less traveled?
I was talking 'bout cutting through Bryan to get to Cabell.
By the way, you have Bryan and Bryant? -- that's confusing.
Then again, when I wrote that, the whole time I was boozing.
Frost's inexplicable obsession with the University of Virginia is almost as unnerving as English professors' obsession with the English language. Come on, you nerds, are you going to sit there and with a straight face tell us that, out of Frost, Whitman and Dr. Seuss, there's not a single poem written in Sanskrit? Let's continue to the next two stanzas.
Anyhoo, back to this fundraising frenzy,
In regards to my monies, I have some to lend, see.
Ne'er mind my estate; I sense U.Va.'s needs
(Plus I was inspired by that film "Mr. Deeds").
Now everyone knows that all authors are loaded,
And giving to charity is rather outmoded.
Seeing as how I'm dead and money's no object,
May my whole fortune go toward the South Lawn Project.
Frost's apparent generosity toward the University seems totally out of place, and it is further called into question by the fact that the poem is signed "John T. Casteen, III -- I meeeeeaaaan, Robert Frost. Yeah, that's it. Robert Frost." How Frost could have made such an egregious error, and why he didn't just scratch out the mistake, are especially intriguing mysteries. But it's obvious that the author wasn't speaking from an entirely modern standpoint, as the next lines indicate.
I'm happy to contribute and help out your scholars,
By the way, what's your target: three, four thousand dollars?
God Almighty! Three billion?! That's a lofty sum.
I suppose you think money comes straight out of my bum.
The theme veers abruptly at this point -- though what follows is no less eerie -- as Frost goes on to address other current issues at the University.
I'm sorry to hear about your mumps epidemic,
In my day we had such diseases systemic.
I once wrote a news headline on an ailment, which read,
"Lice outbreak has doctors scratching their heads."
The poem's finale, however, is perhaps most perplexing of all.
I'm intrigued by the events of the lives of you 'Hoos,
And there's no better source than the Cav Daily for news --
What's that I read about fraternity hazing?
Nevermind. OMG! DMB was amazing!
Though the poem is still making its rounds through academia, it is already pretty generally agreed that this last line, penned along with the rest in 1918, constitutes the first use of the phrase "OMG" by a mainstream (American) author.
Dan's column runs each Wednesday. He can be reached at dooley@cavalierdaily.com.
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