Contrary to what you may think, you're not too old to be celebrating Halloween. That is, of course, unless you're a fourth year. In that case, you should be working on your résumé instead of hopelessly clinging to your rapidly vanishing youth. Seriously, it's time to get your adult on.
For the rest of us, though, this is a really exciting time of year -- it means candy, parties and, best of all, costumes. Dressing up with such freedom of expression is a pastime unique to Halloween. With all the other holidays, you're limited to just a handful of personas to assume. For Christmas, it's either Santa or one of the Three Wise Men. For St. Patrick's Day, your only real option is to be a drunken poser. Halloween, on the other hand, requires us to peruse a variety of potential characters before making the ultimate decision.
The "Frat guy" look (featuring plaid or pastel-colored pants and multiple polo shirts with popped collars) was successfully ironic when introduced in 2002, but its increasing popularity earned it a "hackneyed" rating by 2004. Yet it reclaimed respect last October as a "classic throwback" look. Not surprisingly, this year, the preppy attire pendulum swings back the other way. This is largely due to several awkward encounters last Halloween in which partygoers at Sigma Chi remarked, "Haha, I love your costume!" and prompted the brothers to reply, "Haha ... costume?"
Props to female students for making Halloween the amazing spectacle it is. I'm always impressed by the ability of girls to take any costume idea and with a few minor wardrobe adjustments make the character a skanky version of its former self. I've seen skanky kittens, skanky fairies and even a skanky Christina Aguilera -- I know, I know, it should be redundant, but somehow this girl pulled it off, along with her clothes.
Personally, I haven't decided whether to go as recently sentenced former Enron CEO Jeffrey Skilling or as Thomas Jefferson. I feel the two figures are somewhat similar, except that the hobby of Jefferson's old age was the noble task of founding the University, whereas the hobby of Skilling's old age will be avoiding guys named Killer and Mad Dog in the cafeteria line.
For anyone who is interested in the costume choices of University alumni, Ronde Barber will be spending the evening in his usual imitation of twin brother Tiki Barber. I don't mean to insinuate that there is fraternal jealousy there, but I did hear that Ronde has purchased 500,000 units of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in anticipation of an equally sized donation by Tiki. On the alumnae side, Katie Couric is planning to dress as Katie Couric circa 1992 (i.e. a woman much younger than she is ... it had to be said).
Since I'm already ripping on people who are powerful enough to have me expelled and my children blacklisted, I may as well go ahead and suggest that Al Groh dress up as a football coach who actually earns his multi-million dollar salary -- or at least as Ralph Friedgen, a coach who apparently eats his multi-million dollar salary.
I am hereby offering a grand prize for sketchiness to whoever can pull off the likeness of the owner of The White Spot. Waxed eyebrows are obviously a must. You may also want to call on skanky Christina Aguilera for a winning sketchy photo op.
Unfortunately, costume stores across the commonwealth have found their sales of George Allen masks have plummeted this Halloween season. Not even the inclusion of new accessories could lure kids into choosing the incumbent senator over Superman. Said one young boy, "I found both the rubber noose and the guide to pronouncing obscure racial epithets to be in decidedly poor taste -- and I'm only six."
I guess what it all comes down to is that the occasion of Halloween is something truly special which we can all share as a community. But then again, so is mumps, so I wouldn't read too much into it.
Dan's column runs each Wednesday. He can be reached at dooley@cavalierdaily.com.
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