Like many of the other classy ladies here at the University, I took advantage of Thanksgiving break to get my hair did. Whereas many young debutantes graced pricey hair salons and the even pricier Hair Cuttery, I cut my own hair. Though a few snips did little to change the overall shape of my bountiful locks, I felt like a new woman. Staying within the theme of my amazing hair, the Winnie, if you will, I decided to take a look (and judge) the hairstyles of the rich and famous.
The Kramer -- Wild, crazy, out of control. But definitely not racist.
The Demi aka the Carly -- Too young for her age. If you and your hairstyle are at least a generation apart in origin, it can be considered a May-December relationship. Inappro.
The Jim Webb -- Military hair for a military man (kind of). A horny woman's dream.
The George Allen -- A macaca mohawk.
The Snoop -- When he was arrested for being a convicted felon in possession of a firearm and cocaine, instead of taking his own advice and dropping it like it's hot, Snoop got caught. When asked to explain the hidden compartment in his car, he said, "If the ride is more fly, then you must buy." Snoop's hair at the time of his arrest was looking very nice. Fo' shizzle.
The Justin -- Bringing sexy back. Them other boys don't know how to act.
The Whitney -- Though her hair is disappointing for a woman of her fashion sense, it is not a result of a poor decision to partake in crack. Crack is cheap and Whitney is not cheap, but her hair says otherwise.
The Hillary -- Her original hair was like her health care plan: too ambitious, underfunded and without support. Over time, her hair has become more moderate and gained popularity all across the country. It remains to be seen whether or not her hair can withstand bad-hair weather blowing in from the right.
The Cheney -- Cheney knows what he wants. Remember the man he shot in the face? His hairdresser.
The Ann Coulter -- In protest of and in opposition to the Pelosi and the Hillary, the Ann Coulter was started to fight the growing liberal hair of those hippies. What do liberals, women and hair have in common? None of them should be able to vote.
The Angelina -- Very lackluster, nothing special. She probably cuts her hair herself to save money. Where does all the money go? Into her savings account so she can finally afford to buy a baby from every country.
The Tom -- Sometimes people with good hair can have bad days. Bad days for Tom include his gymnastic routine on Oprah, his critique of antidepressants on The Today Show and the making of "War of the Worlds." And yet his hair looked impeccable each time. If that's what Scientology empowers me to do, I should look into being (silently) reborn.
The Bond -- Over time, this supposedly British hairstyle has remained relatively the same. Brown and closely trimmed. Undergoing a new makeover, the Bond is now blonde with more body to it. A really nice body.
The Sheen -- A president, a womanizer, two-and-a-half men, this hairstyle works for everyone.
The Estevez -- The exact same hairstyle as the Sheen with a more ethnic name.
The Slater -- The defining hair of the 1980s is making its comeback. The curls matched his cute dimples. And that mullet. Business in the front, party in the back. Sounds like the door check to a frat house.
The Kanye -- With all the money he spent on it and the women he paid to pose with it, his hair should have won an award.
The Affleck -- Similar to the Kanye. With all the hype surrounding his hair, the publicity, the money that went into the special effects, his hair should have been a blockbuster. If millions of dollars, CGI special graphics and the best of Hollywood PR machines can't make his hair a hit, nothing can.
The Boyd Tinsley -- Amazing and classy, just like the fourth-year class. Which is probably why his hair will look so good when he speaks at my graduation.
The Winnie -- Perfection.
Winnie's column runs bi-weekly on Thursdays. She can be reached at winnie@cavalierdaily.com.
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