Last Wednesday I was sitting around my apartment, anticipating a nice, relaxing weekend.
Five days later I find myself in possession of free chicken sandwiches for a year, a side-splitting headache, a sweet fanny pack, an unhealthy obsession with Emilio Estevez and some questions for the John Paul Jones Arena PA man.
It all started with a call from my friends, freaking out about how the first 100 people through the door at the Chick-Fil-A grand opening get 52 free combo meal coupons. We would have to go immediately and spend the night in the parking lot to ensure our place in line. Sure I had to be in Richmond for an 8:00 a.m. job interview the next morning, but I do love those sandwiches, and the store opened at 6:00 a.m. I figured I would be able to grab a few hours of shut-eye and book it to Richmond afterward.
The best part of the night for me was stumbling upon a conversation between what I will refer to as "Chick-Fil-A giveaway veterans." These are the people who have taken part in this event several times. After I cleared my thoughts and decided whether or not I should be impressed by -- or scared of -- these people I began to enjoy their Ebert and Roperesque critique of the event:
"I think this has been run particularly well. They have done roll calls efficiently, everything has been organized ... five stars!"
It may have been the complete lack of sleep, but I really enjoyed the exchange.
Around 6 a.m. they rounded everybody up, made us wear stupid hats and giant T-shirts and marched us into the restaurant for our little nugget box of glory. Coupons in hand, I made haste for the exit only to be confronted by a small but fierce middle-aged woman shutting the door in my face and telling me I had to stay and listen to the owner say a few words. To paraphrase her comments:
"I'm not holding you prisoner. You're just not allowed to leave."
Lady, I'm not sure where you come from, but that might be the exact definition of imprisoning somebody. Eventually I dug out an elaborate tunnel system and escaped à la Andy Dufresne from "Shawshank Redemption."
As for the interview, I won't say much, but you can take a guess as to what you should not do the night before a day-long trial of your personality and intellectual ability. Any guesses? Yes, spend the night in a Chick-Fil-A parking lot and not sleep. Bingo. Enter the headache.
After Thursday's adventure it was on to the fanny pack bonanza. Go back and read my description of my friends freaking out and calling me and simply replace "Chick-Fil-A" with "80's party at JMU." Am I the only person who doesn't see people ever dressing up and having 00's parties? Somehow the thought of sporting jeans and a Polo shirt and listening to "Sexy Back" does not thrill me.
Onto my newfound love for the one and only Gordon Bombay. While killing time on the D.C. metro (I ended up sneaking a hockey game into this mess) we started playing a game where you say something about Emilio Estevez, and incorporate it into his name. Example: "Emilio when he gets back from the plastic surgeon." Answer: "Emilio New Chestevez". Emilio after the Mighty Ducks lose to Iceland? Emilio Depressedevez. Eventually you start running out of words that end in the right letters, but it'll still keep you going for a few hours.
Finally, I have a few words for whoever chooses the songs they play at JPJ during basketball games. To set the stage, there were about two minutes left in the Arizona game, and we had fought back from a 13-point halftime deficit to take a slight lead and position ourselves for a big upset. What song do they play? None other than Dexys Midnight Runners: "Build Me Up Buttercup." A song featuring the lyrics "Why do you build me up ... just to let me down?" I've been here for four years and all the major Virginia sports have ever done is build me up and let me down. I think you could probably pick a song that's not about dashed hopes and expectations to get the crowd pumped for a big game.
That's it for this week. I hope reading this column made you like Emilio after the final victory over Iceland ... Emilio Impressedevez.
Eric's column runs bi-weekly on Tuesdays. He can be reached at ast@cavalierdaily.com.
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