W ith your brains reenergized from a week of rest, dear readers, you're probably wondering why you have been forced to return to Grounds only to leave again within a couple of weeks. The answer is simple: it's almost time for FINAL EXAMS. (For full effect, imagine a thunderclap resounding right about now.) Yes, for some reason the fine faculty of the University feels the need to double check at the end of the semester and make sure students have actually learned something.
Prepare yourselves because come next week the University goes into full bomb-shelter mode. You may not see friends or loved ones for days at a time. Every student seems to pick a favored location and burrow in there, like a mole in Grandma's garden, until it's time to go home. Your schedule will go from "packed like crazy" to completely open, but doing anything non-studious is irresponsible behavior, and may warrant a visit from Jefferson's ghost.
Let's talk studying locations. If we're going to be moles, we should at least have nice holes. Forget about Clemons Library if you are serious about pulling some A's out this semester. The place has been compared to a brothel, and not without good reason. As soon as the blessed season of finals begins, it is packed with the teeming flesh of humanity -
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