Over Winter Break, the field of technology made several impressive breakthroughs. A 108-inch TV was unveiled, Apple announced its way cool iPhone, video game nerds scrambled to find a PS3 to buy and my grandmother has developed an addiction to Nintendo Wii. Strange happenings, indeed.
Clearly, the way technology has affected what goes down during our long winter months has changed. After all, college students haven't always had TV, cell phones and video games to distract them. Here is a compiled list of fairly common gadgets, and I've added in my thoughts on how they've mixed up the way Winter Break goes down:
1. DVD Player
You would think it is just a vehicle for mindless entertainment on Sunday afternoon, right? It starts out innocently enough, but things get dangerous when you add a girlfriend and her "Grey's Anatomy" DVD. Five hours of watching doctors stir up teenage drama has been medically proven to drive you insane. You've been warned.
2. Cell Phone
Sure, you can now call your friends and family from wherever you may be. But what fun would a cell phone be without some text-messaging action? More specifically, where would the fun be if you couldn't annoy all your friends on New Year's by sending them a mass text message that says nothing but, "Happy New Year! Make 2007 a good one!"
3. Wireless Internet
Whaaa?! You mean I can leave my dorm room and still get on the Internet? If you're a first year, this might not be a big deal to you. If you're a little older than that, you remember going to Best Buy and getting that 50-foot ethernet cord. Maybe the University decided to install wireless in the dorms for convenience. Or maybe it was to keep people like me from tripping in my room and spamming President Casteen with threatening e-mails. Who knows?
4. Video Games
Friends no longer have to leave their houses to hang out with one another -- now, gamers can just chill together in World of Warcraft. Personal contact, social skills and hygiene all become pointless. Your skill level at Madden is your best claim to respect. All you ladies out there should not plan on seeing your boyfriends anytime soon.
5. iPods
Stalkerish ex won't stop calling you? You didn't hear it ring. Girlfriend yelling at you for writing nasty things in your column about her? Turn the volume up. It's perfect.
Some of these innovations have helped us avoid unpleasant situations (like an angry woman), while others have gone ahead and aided in your insanity. But how do we know if things have really changed that much?
Because I have no clue what things were like before TV and video games, I went to the most ancient person I know to get some answers.
Me: Yo, Dad, what did you do during Winter Break when you were a kid?
Dad: Ed, I grew up in Communist China. I didn't have a winter break because I didn't have school.
Me: So ... what? Nothing? Did you just chill during the winter?
Dad: Yeah, I "chilled" all year long.
Me: Awesome!
Dad: ... Are you retarded?
Conclusions
1. There wasn't that much to do back in the day.
2. I'm not too good at this investigative journalism stuff.
3. Dad doesn't love me.
The evidence might be flimsy, but it's obvious that things were just different back in the day. Instead of TV, they had books. Instead of video games, the nerdy kids had "Dungeons and Dragons." And instead of "Grey's Anatomy," girls had musicals and poetry to torture the boys in their lives.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go charge my iPod before my girlfriend reads this.
Ed's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. He can be reached at edcao@cavalierdaily.com.
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