Lonely? Looking for a good time? Or maybe for a chance to earn your M.R.S. without having to go through the trouble of actually dating? Why don't you do what I did and try to find your lifetime mate on craigslist? Here are a few examples of the classy options that are available:
"Dear lady,
You had on pants and a blouse. I was sporting slacks and a shirt. We were walking in opposite directions, and I could tell you were interested by the way you avoided eye contact. I would have said something then, but I didn't want to embarrass the man holding your hand and helping you push the stroller. Obviously we are meant for each other. Please e-mail me with a pic when you read this. Also, I need to borrow some money.
Yours forever,
MOTDM (Man on the Downtown Mall)"
-- Charlottesville, Sunday, Dec. 31
"Let's face it, you had a reverse SPELL, and you kissed this 'Prince' and he turned into a 'Frog' ... Someone ELSE had already kissed the 'Frog' and turned him into a 'Prince,' and you had the unknowing sense of duty to turn him BACK. Chemistry got mixed up on Merlin's plane of existence, higher forces were saying 'no No NO! Wrong matchings!' Maybe someone saw his 'Frogginess' already and tried to kiss him back before the spell time ended, and then it kicked in, on you ..."
-- San Diego, Wednesday, Jan. 24
"You had bought woodchuck in a keg, and I think that's sexy. I was watching you rock the foosball table for a while that night, but I was wishing we could go upstairs and rock your dining room table."
-- Northern Virginia, Monday, Jan. 22
"I believe YouTube and Wikipedia are more addictive than crack. I am fascinated by history. Ever put on the History Channel some Saturday afternoon and not leave the couch for hours?"
-- Philadelphia, Thursday, Jan. 25
"You are the hot dish, and I am the cold sink. I tried to wash you but all the steam rose up and twisted the wooden rafters so that the roof fell on my head, or, at least, I was afraid it might. I am saving up for an electric dish water, which should solve everything. One with a gentle rinse, so you won't break. Goodnight."
-- Chicago, Thursday, Jan. 25
"im given my self away sparingly if you think u could use a slightly used single dad could use some lovin in his life hit me up im 28 a pipefitter from vegas white bald likes to cook an drives a hot rod chevy truck got a roommate that could use the same i like hot tubin boutin dirt bike riddin thought i would post this to see what i came up with out of this web sight"
-- Las Vegas, Wednesday, Jan. 24
"You looked like a heroin addict with a tie and long legs. You had a coffee and a bag of cigarettes and beer. I tried desperately to win your affection, but you told me that I made your coffee bitter. I touched your face. See me again."
-- New York, Thursday, Jan. 25
"Is making love to a pregnant woman considered a fetish?"
-- Dallas, Tuesday, Jan. 16
"There's no consistency from anyone when the subject of my appearance comes up, literally the same people seeing me at different times have described me as alternately handsome, kinda so-so and quite hideous. As I'm thoroughly depressed and not likely to have reason to improve ever, I'm just going to accept it that I'm ugly. So yeah. Whatever. I will die alone, cursing God and all that. Then when they find my body some will say, 'What a shame, he's cute.' And others will say, "Bound to happen to an ugmo like that." I guess. Whatever."
-- Seattle, Wednesday, Jan. 24
"I am looking for a girl (21-35 years old) to get married with, by convenience. $10.000,00"
-- Miami, Tuesday, Jan. 2
"On a more personal level, I am attracted to Asian women's soft spoken voices, some voices sound like a song just when they are talking. I enjoy the shine of their black hair in the sun light and how it blows in the wind."
-- Raleigh, Friday, Jan. 19
"Come on baby, just cuz they don't have hot dogs in Brooklyn don't mean we shouldn't be makin love."
-- Los Angeles, Wednesday, Jan. 24
Winnie's column runs bi-weekly on Thursdays. She can be reached at winnie@cavalierdaily.com.
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