I am more popular than Kevin Bacon. For Kevin Bacon, it's six degrees of separation, six steps from every person in Hollywood. Winnie Chao, on the other hand, is only three steps from every person in the world. Here is some evidence:
Hillary Clinton to Winnie
1. Hillary Clinton -- Remember when Bill was campaigning in the early 1990s and she hadthat awful hair? It looked like Julia Roberts' hooker hair from "Pretty Woman." Remember the bobbed wig she wore when she worked the street corner? Dye it blonde and that was Hillary, circa 1991.*
2. Before she was famous, Julia Roberts was in a movie titled "Mystic Pizza." She played Daisy, a lady who works at a pizza parlor with her sister, Kat (who coincidentally attends Yale, the alma mater of the aforementioned Clintons). There are rumors that a topless scene was filmed.
3. I enjoy eating pizza. Perhaps I once ate pizza that Julia Roberts ate. I also occasionally enjoy eating pizza topless.
Reggie Bush to Winnie
1. Reggie Bush -- During the NFC Championship playoff game, Bush caught a pass and ran 78 yards for a touchdown. He wagged his finger at Brian Urlacher and somersaulted into the end zone. Immediately after the game, the NFL fined him $5,000. Coincidentally, his jersey number at USC was No. 5 and he tried to seek special permission to wear No. 5 with the Saints.
2. How much is a nickel? Five cents.
3. That is how much money I currently have to my name. As one of my professors said the other day, "For the English majors in this class who think it'll be easy getting a job after you graduate, you better get your head out of the sand."
David Beckham to Winnie
1. David Beckham -- The 31-year-old soccer star (or "footballer" as the fancy Europeans like to call him, with their fancy tea drinking and their fancy Queens), has agreed to come play for the L.A. Galaxy. The decision was made after Beckham sought Tom Cruise for advice. In addition, Hugh Hefner has invited Beckham to the Playboy mansion for a true American welcome.
2. Before I say anything else, Tom Cruise? For advice? Really, now. This is the man who bought his own sonogram machine because his religion blends science and faith in demanding its followers believe in "science," like robots, instead of medical science, like doctors. Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto.
3. The Los Angeles area has one of the highest Asian-American populations in the country, and let me tell you, we believe in both doctors and robots (mainly because we are the former and build the latter).
Angelina Jolie to Winnie
1. Angelina Jolie has bought children of almost every ethnicity. She is "seeing" Brad Pitt and she had that affair with her brother. She was also hired for her "acting" skills to play Lara Croft. Her British accent was impeccable and is probably why the U.N. made her a Goodwill Ambassador. Those Brits and their fancy accents can always charm their way into my cold, dead heart.
2. My sister practiced a British accent for 3 months in an attempt to be considered and cast as Cho Chang for the Harry Potter movie series. Unfortunately, the producers wanted a citizen of Great Britain. After failing to convince my parents to move across the Atlantic, she locked herself in her room and refused to eat.
3. More food for me.
*Senator Clinton, please don't sue me. You are a classy lady and far from a hooker. I am sure you have never worked the corner a day in your life. Your hair now looks much better. It has a certain presidential quality about it.
Winnie's column runs alternating Mondays. She can be reached at winnie@cavalierdaily.com.
Read More
Holding onto every grain in the hourglass
By Mai Hukuoka | 2 hours agoNow that I’m back at school, I have made it my mission to take note of the sneaky passage of time.
Students brave the cold for a whirlwind sorority rush
By Mia Tan | 2 days agoStudents recount a mix of emotions from rush, with some disappointed after dropping from the recruitment process and others ecstatic to join Greek life.
Top 10 ways to avoid burnout this semester
By Sam Saks | 3 days agoAs you settle into this semester, try implementing these 10 tactics to take care of yourself and wave goodbye to burnout.
