"IT WAS a dark and stormy night. Suddenly, a shot rang out! A door slammed. The maid screamed. Suddenly, a pirate ship appeared on the horizon! While millions of people were starving, the king lived in luxury."
That is a catchy lead. Never mind that it was supposedly "written" by Snoopy, the crafty and loveable beagle.
The thing to remember in journalistic writing is that leads are critically important. Yet, far too many reporters and editors fail to understand the significance.
"This column is all about sex, erectile dysfunction and soiled blue dresses. Parental discretion is strongly advised. Well, it's not really; I just wanted to get your attention. But please, read on -- it may be sordid enough for you."
That was a lead used by a columnist in The Daily Evergreen at Washington State University. It is the kind of lead that would entice readers to continue.
Leads, however, should be accurate, and the one above was not. It was clever, even funny, but it was misleading, thus not an effective lead, even though columns have a bit more latitude.
Leads should say something. They should not be gimmicky. They should be clear, concise and not overstated. They should be based on facts, uncluttered from unnecessary information. And they should be supported by the body of the story.
Student journalists, however, sometimes take the easy way out and write leads that say nothing (ho-hummers), or include opinion, or are crammed with the who-what-where-when-why and how elements. Sometimes they are bogged down by numbers, are written in passive voice, have confusing time elements, cumbersome attribution or a quote or question.
All of that should be avoided, most of the time, and The Cavalier Daily, like most other publications, should work a bit harder on leads.
"'How hard is it to be the Pakistan ambassador to the U.S.?' asked Michael Krepon, diplomat scholar of the Office of the Vice President and Provost, in his introduction of Mahmud Ali Durrani, Pakistan's ambassador to the United States."
That was the lead published Thursday, March 1, about the Ambassador Lecture Series. It includes a question, a quote, cumbersome attribution and is a bit of a ho-hummer. It is also typical of many leads in many publications. But in reading the story, what are most fascinating are the ambassador's critical comments about the relationship between the United States and Pakistan. That element -- or lead -- is buried.
The hard-news lead is appropriate on the story, but readers weren't served well with the original lead.
"The United States is not being very helpful or useful in the conflict between India and Pakistan -- even though they could play a critical role -- according to Pakistan's ambassador to the United States."
That lead says something to readers and foreshadows something more to come. Here's another example:
"Tonight is payback time for the Virginia men's basketball team. In the second of two meetings between the teams Virginia faces Virginia Tech tonight at 7 p.m. at the John Paul Jones Arena."
The story is an "advance" of an upcoming game, but the lead doesn't have to be written in traditional breaking-news format. There is room for creativity.
"The Cavaliers men's basketball team was embarrassed by the Hokies in Blacksburg on Feb. 1 in a 27-point loss. Tonight, hopefully, is payback time at 7 p.m. at the John Paul Jones Arena, but focus and intensity will be needed in the traditionally heated in-state rivalry."
"'We can't relax now because last time we relaxed we went down to Virginia Tech and got smacked,' senior forward Jason Cain said. 'We have to stay focused now.'"
Institutional opinion/editorial leads are something else to consider:"The Miller Center for Public Affairs announced yesterday the formation of the War Powers Commission, a bipartisan panel to research the Constitutional questions of waging war."
So what? Who cares?
The smoking gun in this editorial is that a plagiarist was hired as the Commission's historical advisor. The editorial, rightly so, questions the university's actions and ethics. A stronger lead would make a stronger editorial.
"Do as we say, not as we do, is the message the university sent when it exhibited questionable ethics by placing a plagiarist -- even if only a sloppy benign one -- on an important commission. After all, it routinely expels students convicted of plagiarism."
John R. Irby is The Cavalier Daily ombudsman. He can be contacted at ombud@cavalierdaily.com.
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