Because spring has started -- or at least it had until this past weekend of arctic weather -- it is time to address one of the most important accessories of the season: sunglasses. Sunglasses serve two purposes in our lives.
The first purpose is to block out ultra-violet radiation, which can cause cataracts and other harmful eye problems, and also can block glare, making athletic or leisure activities more enjoyable.
The second, and more important, purpose of sunglasses is that they allow freedom of the wandering eye. What if some hot dude or dudette walks by and you want to ogle, but sadly a) your significant other is sitting next to you, b) you don't want to seem creepy or c) you don't really like checking people out in front of your grandma sitting the lounge chair next to you?
This is when a dark pair of shades comes in handy. As long as you don't inadvertently move your head to follow the object of your attention's motion, you can safely ogle away. The heck with eye protection -- sunglasses provide protection from a jealous significant other, a restraining order or your grandma's comments.
There are many options available for your enjoyment. There is the aviator look -- a style popular among pilots, our fathers (in the seventies) and college students (especially the popped-collar crowd). Another popular sunglass trend is the strap that holds sunglasses onto the head. Since the winds here at the University are so powerful and reputedly dangerous, I am sure that those straps serve their purpose well.
Another popular trend is what I like to call the "bug sunglasses." This name is derived from the fly-like eyes that girls seem to get with these shades on. These glasses take up, especially in the Olsen twins' cases, almost half of the wearer's face. Maybe their purpose is to protect the whole face from the sun, rather than just the eyes.
There are, of course, hundreds of classifications of sunglasses that I could discuss at length but lack the time and your attention to do so -- instead, let's just review the important ones. There are the flip shades that look like Mickey Mouse ears over the top of the glasses -- never a cool look. Then there are the sunglasses that fit over regular glasses. Note: If you see someone driving with these on, give them some space ... There must be some statistic like 92 percent of all accidents are caused by drivers wearing sunglasses that fit over regular glasses.
There are also the fade in and out glasses that will never be cool. John Lennon's granny glasses were pretty sweet, but that is not a current trend. Finally, last on the list of general types of shades, are the shiny mirrored aviators that southern cops who have mustaches (but no beards) wear. One of these cops, Jim Dangle from Reno 911, can totally pull off those glasses. But the short shorts on the other hand ...
Tom Cruise is a connoisseur of sunglasses. He has his awesome Mission Impossible glasses, his Top Gun aviators and now his scientologist blinders. I don't think he could pull off short shorts either.
I wonder what type of shades our founder Mr. Jefferson wore. I am sure that while he was out in his gardens at Monticello, he donned some tinted glass that he found from a church's stained glass window. Or, if you would prefer not to think of our founder in that light, maybe he coated his own glasses with an opaque paint so as to block out the light. If he was alive today, I am sure Mr. Jefferson would wear star-shaped shades with rhinestones and pink flamingos coming off the sides. Or maybe they would be of a more practical nature and serve more than one purpose -- eye protection, a pencil storage device and a snack holder, for example.
As you can see, sunglasses are important to our lives in the spring and summer, so I hope that I shed some light on your ocular protection options to have fun in the sun, and to check out whomever, whenever and wherever!
Maggie's column runs biweekly on Fridays. She can be reached at jones@cavalierdaily.com
Read More
Holding onto every grain in the hourglass
By Mai Hukuoka | 18 hours agoNow that I’m back at school, I have made it my mission to take note of the sneaky passage of time.
Students brave the cold for a whirlwind sorority rush
By Mia Tan | 2 days agoStudents recount a mix of emotions from rush, with some disappointed after dropping from the recruitment process and others ecstatic to join Greek life.
Top 10 ways to avoid burnout this semester
By Sam Saks | 3 days agoAs you settle into this semester, try implementing these 10 tactics to take care of yourself and wave goodbye to burnout.
