Rarely, if ever, a mistake somehow slips by the incredible editorial staff here at The Cavalier Daily. When that happens, a small apology or retraction appears on the second page, usually in a small box noticed only by those who read more in the paper than my column and the Sudoku. In the spirit of this commitment to professionalism, I would like to make some apologies of my own as my tenure as a columnist comes to a close.
First, I would like to modify my account of Dish Patrol, the game some of my roommates in South Africa made up to recover the dishes that somehow mysteriously disappeared from our cabinets. Though I maintain my description of the events in one of my first columns was factual, a number of said roommates have sent belligerent e-mails claiming they were the inventors of Dish Patrol rather than the culprits I claimed them to be. Instead of mentioning roommates by name, therefore, I would like to change my account to include vague references such as "the roommate from Texas" and "the roommate who truly enjoyed the local beverage options." I regret any emotional hardship said roommates may have endured as a result of my supposedly inaccurate depiction.
Sadly, I have to retract my entire column about my color-coded organizer. As my last semester in college draws to a close, coloring in boxes according to which class or job takes up a certain span of time is no longer my chosen method of procrastination. Not that I wouldn't still love to be color-coding, but this semester I've actually managed to get some work done and thus am unable to code it as green or orange.
Thanks to the stupid people who make TV schedules, I am also required to retract my earlier column about my love of "The Real World: Denver." I still try to catch reruns, usually in marathon form Saturday afternoon, but my 10 p.m. Wednesday night spot is now devoted to "Lost." I still don't know who the Others are, but I've gained newfound respect for them since they kidnapped Jack, aka Matthew Fox, aka the kind of man we'd all like to stuck on an island with.
Apparently, my last column also included some inaccuracies. Speaking of my roommates in South Africa, I would like to retract the sentence in which I stated they were checking their watches constantly when they took me out to dinner on my birthday. At the urging of one member of the dinner party, I would like to change "constantly" to "about as often as college boys think about college girls." Wait -- that actually might be more often. Never mind then, I think it suffices to say I had a great time at dinner, with or without watches.
In last week's column I also mentioned a particular present I gave to a friend who then became as excited as "if I'd given her a villa in St. Tropez" (direct quote from last week's column). According to said friend, the gift was actually a Christmas/going-away present as she prepared to study abroad. I regret this mistake. I do, however, maintain my description of her reaction was correct.
Finally, I would like to mitigate the amount of guilt my friends apparently felt after the column about my birthday. My original intent was not, as some of them perceived, to make them buy me nicer presents, but rather to highlight the hilarity of my childlike reaction to the anniversary of my birth.
Though not related to my columns, I also would like to retract the first thing I have said in every discussion section since my first year. It was inevitably stupid, and my fellow students probably inwardly groaned before saying their first stupid comments. Let's just all agree to remember each other by our second comments. Chances are those comments were massively more intelligent and therefore more representative of our true awesomeness.
All in all, I can see I've made quite a few errors. I really only got through the columns from last semester. Now that I've retracted them, no one can hold these mistakes against me -- not my friends, my South African roommates, not my current roommates and certainly not you.
When you get a chance, make sure to check out the second page of the CD for a retraction box every now and again -- it's a nice reassurance that we all make mistakes.
Laura's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. She can be reached at sisk@cavalierdaily.com.
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