I think someone should write a procrastination handbook about 101 ways to not do your work. I think I should be hired for the job. I also think I would title the book "The Procrastination Station." That is also what Alderman Café should be named.
By the time this article is written, I will have checked all the away messages on my buddy list (to make sure that everyone is safe, of course), done the mandatory e-mail and Facebook check (for updates on homework assignments, obviously), made myself a snack and potentially even cleaned the bathroom.
[Note: Between writing these two paragraphs I bought a couple songs on iTunes.]
Procrastination has been discouraged since middle school, but as much as procrastination is maligned by our teachers, professors and parents, I believe it is a very important skill to have. In the real world -- that dreaded realm we enter after graduation -- you do not have all day to read a book to perform well on a test. A doctor does not have time to read about heart surgery when given a patient with a sub-par heart -- he or she needs to get that baby working again, and it better not take all day!
Do you think our beloved founder wrote the Declaration of Independence in time to proofread it a few times and then make a final copy? (Excuse me, Mr. Jefferson, if I am wrong, but ...) Heck no!
[Note: Between these two paragraphs I wrote a list of all of the things I have to do. These lists I make are very pretty. Sometimes I make final copies, add graphics and color-code them. Making a list of what I have to do often takes longer than completing the actual assignments on the list.]
Procrastination in college prepares us for real-life situations such as having to save a life or make a deadline. So rather than beating yourself up about leaving your work to the last minute, consider your procrastination as training for the real world. Procrastination channels all of your powers and energy into a smaller time period, making your work more efficient. My argument for procrastination really is logical: You are going to have to do the same amount of work no matter what, so, if you save it to the last minute, your effort and intelligence will be condensed and therefore will produce a better outcome.
Also, I am under the impression that procrastination keeps cell phone companies in business. If we didn't procrastinate, we wouldn't have to call people to tell them about how stressed we are.
[Yeah, I just checked weather.com for the third time this hour ... There are still no impending tornados.]
Speaking of procrastination, I would rather be writing this article than working on the problem set that is looking at me from my desk right now. So maybe, because I have exhausted my defense of being a slacker, I will move on to another topic. How do you guys feel about cheese? By the way, in saying "you guys" here instead of "y'all," I just gave away my northern roots. Anyway, cheese: It is delicious. It has been a source of nutrition since way back when sheep and goats were domesticated.
My dad used to make cheese. It is actually quite the process. First he heated milk to grow a bacteria culture (that gives it flavor -- apparently different temperatures produce different flavors). After that, he added an enzyme from a calf's stomach that sped up the curdling process. Finally he separated the curds and whey, pressed the curds and covered them in wax so the mass eventually would age into cheese.
So yeah, I bet you didn't think while you were procrastinating by reading about procrastination you would learn that cheese-making requires a calf's stomach -- and all this from a girl who was procrastinating from an article about procrastination. Whoa, is that confusing. I think I might go work on problem sets now ... or do a load of laundry instead.
Maggie's column runs bi-weekly on Fridays. She can be reached at jones@cavalierdaily.com.
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