OK, how cool would it be if this were actually a class? Much more useful than making English majors take science courses. There are those who pride themselves on their awkwardness and even put on airs about how awkward they think they are, which I guess is better than wallowing under the covers listening to Celine Dion all day. But think how put-together and confident we could be if we only had a lesson in Awkward Moments 101.
As a fourth-year, I consider myself a connoisseur of the awkward, not because I have dabbled in various embarrassing, compromising situations, but because for more than three years I have been hearing about them from my incredibly awkward friends, who are lucky a person as suave as me still rolls with them. With that said, I present to you my suggestions for navigating seven awkward situations.
Awkward Situation #1: Run-in with the awkward hookup
I wouldn't know, of course, but for all you playas, I'm sure you're all too familiar with the inner dialogue you hear when confronted with the approaching Awkward either looking fly strutting through the Colonnades or acting embarrassingly lame reading in Clemons. The thought process tends to go as follows: "Oh my god, should I make eye contact? Oh crap, I just did. Should I smile? Actually say 'hi?' Should I blink confusedly and veer to the side into oncoming, unforgiving people-traffic? Should I grab my phone in desperation and pretend to text friends I don't have in one slick motion?" So many questions, yet so little time to react. My advice: Smile confidently, even if you feel really sketchy and on the spot. If nothing else, at least you'll look friendly.
Awkward Situation #2: Getting called on in class when you haven't done the reading
...and have no clue what page everyone else is on because you've been simultaneously replaying the awkward hookup run-in in your mind and secretly hating that kid who won't shut up. This may not always work, but you could try suavely changing the subject and rack your brain for something important to add -- maybe a reference from a previous class you've taken that will make you sound really worldly and advanced.
Awkward Situation #3: Having the DTR talk
Or, if I have to spell it out, the "defining-the-relationship" talk. There's a little too much potential for uncomfortably long pauses and over-eagerly expressed emotions. You don't want to be the needy, lame one who has feelings. Ew, feelings. My personal motto when it comes to relationships is "College -- no feelings!" So maybe my advice won't work for Situation #3. But I think honesty is the best policy as long as you don't get overemotional and cry or anything. How embarrassing.
Awkward Situation #4: Not being 21
Face it young'uns: In terms of partying, your social life is not as cool as ours. Whether it's getting hardcore rejected in front of everyone at bars, begging and pleading with your older friends to provide for you or stressing about the law, not being legal is hard times. I don't really have much advice for you other than to wait it out. Being 21 is really cool even though you still get asked for 2 forms of ID a lot and sometimes distant family members ask if you're 15. No big deal though.
Awkward Situation #5: The job interview
This is because it's difficult to sound important and useful with a liberal arts degree. You can be the biggest smarty-pants history major, but when you're dipping your toes into the freezing-cold pool of the real world, it's important to make sure that you know what you're good at before you go into to the big scary interview office. And that your resume looks really pretty.
Awkward Situation #6: Starting a conversation with "So I saw on Facebook..."
Just don't do it. Even if you spend 3 hours on Facebook a day, just pretend you don't. An uncomfortable pause will surely follow, and no, the solution is not to join one of those "I'm so awkward and it's awesome" groups.
Awkward Situation #7: Acknowledging TAs in a non-University setting
Especially when you're on a date. It's great to go on dates in non-Corner locales because there are so many delicious and baller Charlottesville restaurants (the dumpling place, anyone?), yet it's also deadly because you will run into former TAs. They haunt the Downtown Mall (and Alderman Library) and spread awkwardness like it's their job.
One could argue that feeling awkward is self-induced, and as long as you don't take yourself seriously, no big deal. But who are we kidding? We're college students. We're the most self-absorbed people we've ever met. So go on and feel a little awkward. Maybe it will be a beneficial learning experience. And I can say that because I'm super-suave. And 21.
Mary's column runs biweekly Fridays. She can be reached at mbaroch@cavalierdaily.com
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