Let me re-enact this scene for you. You are talking with one of your friends on AIM. He/she says something to the effect of, "Hey, hav u evr herd of that Assorted Indie Rock Band That I Know uv nvr Hurd Of?" Not wanting to sound like a jerk, you reply with something like, "I've heard of them, but I haven't heard any of their music." They say, "U gota chek them out, they r lyke sewww mazng, omg!" Curious, yet perturbed by their horrid grammar and spelling, you go to Limewire, YouTube or iTunes to listen to this three-fan indie band. Upon listening to aforementioned music collective, you start to wonder if this was all a prank, for the band is so bad that you seriously contemplate beating your computer, but don't for fear of dealing with ITC.
No? Never had that happen to you? Maybe that's just me.
For those of you who have experienced this, that band was probably VAST. VAST, which stands for Visual Audio Sensory Theater, is a six-piece alt-rock-indie-over-hyphenated-one-word-description band based out of Austin, Texas. VAST began in 1998 as the brainchild of Jon Crosby, and has since released nine albums. Their album, April, released online last year, finally made its way to record-store shelves last week.
As if Kroger's overpriced beer didn't hurt my wallet enough this week, I bought VAST's new album April for $13. I'll let you take a guess as to what the better investment was. If you haven't guessed it yet, I didn't like this record. It might just not be to my taste. But seeing as not one of my friends or roommates liked the album, I don't feel as cruel.
April is a mostly acoustic record. The songs depict themes of love and loss. Oh, how surprising. I would not call this band emo, though the feelings are the same. The album consists of 12 songs, 11 of which are repetitive and monotone. One song on the album, "I'm Too Good," is decent, I will admit. The rest of the album is laden with unoriginal guitar work, melancholy lyrics and a whiney voice that wishes it could be even in the same ballpark as Thom Yorke. I feel bad for even comparing the two. I apologize, Thom.
Upon buying April, I went to YouTube and looked up some of their videos. Well, actually only one video. It is a video for their song "Pretty When You Cry." If you haven't seen the video and want a reason to feel confused and weirded-out, go check it out. Otherwise, I wouldn't recommend it.
If someone asked me to describe this album without using profanity, I would use the word "airy." That is a word. Go to dictionary.com. It's there. The sound of VAST is unoriginal, ambient and whiney, sort of like a spoiled kid with a lost voice.
I know I've been a bit harsh on this review, offending the tens and tens of VAST fans. I don't hate the guys personally. They just made a terrible, generic record. Some may consider this a bash. But seriously, if you want to hear VAST's new album, I have this piece of advice for you. Don't listen to it near a bridge, you might just jump.
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