Back in the 16th century, Spanish conquistador Juan Ponce de León spent years searching for the "fountain of youth," a legendary spring that could make old men young again and turn back the hands of time.
Instead he discovered Florida, a land where old men get older and the height of a person's waistband is inversely related to his view above the steering wheel.
Today I have good news for Ponce de León and citizens of the Sunshine State: the fountain has been found. Unfortunately, it's located on the Green Bay Packers' sideline in frigid Wisconsin.
For those of you who didn't see it, Sunday's football game between the Packers and the Minnesota Vikings served as the most convincing evidence yet that quarterback Brett Favre is actually mixing a little elixir of life in his Gatorade every time he takes a breather on the Green Bay bench.
Don't believe that Favre is hitting the mythical juice? Please consider the evidence...
1. Just days before his 38th birthday, Favre is playing like a man possessed. In four games, he has passed for a jaw-dropping 1,205 yards and eight touchdowns, breaking Dan Marino's career touchdown mark in the process and leading the once-woeful Packers to an undefeated record. Against the Vikings last weekend, Favre completed 71 percent of his passes for 344 yards -- statistics any younger quarterback would give his left eye for.
Favre is also making a strong case for his fourth MVP award. By serving as his team's entire offense (leading rusher Brandon Jackson has only 97 total yards on the ground after four games), Favre is the single most important reason why fans in Green Bay are crying tears of joy into their cheeseheads.
To put this in perspective, the Packers' gunslinger last won the MVP award in 1997, a year when most Wahoos were carrying their Power Rangers lunchboxes to elementary school.
2. Favre was born in 1969, the same year as Jay-Z, Jennifer Aniston, Jack Black and Gwen Stefani. The only difference? None of those people have to face 300-pound linemen trying to rip their heads off every Sunday from August to January.
Favre is also the same age as Emmitt Smith, one of the NFL's all-time great running backs. Unlike Favre, however, Smith traded his football uniform for dancing shoes and an ESPN microphone more than three years ago. While Smith was doing the rumba against that guy from "Saved by the Bell" on "Dancing with the Stars," Favre was facing a fresh set of NFL defenders 14 years his junior.
3. Add that to the fact that with his beard graying and his daughter headed off to college, Favre is still one of the toughest human beings on the face of the planet.
One example: Three years ago, in a home game against the New York Giants, Favre suffered a concussion after taking a monster hit from linebacker William Joseph. Already playing with a sore left shoulder and a bum left hamstring, he told Packers coach Mike Sherman that he was good to go without consulting team doctors. Back in the game, Favre threw a 28-yard touchdown pass to receiver Javon Walker. The only problem? After the game, he didn't remember throwing the pass.
"Flu, sprained ankle, broken bone, whatever," Favre told the New York Daily News last month. "There were times when I broke my thumb on my throwing hand; I thought, 'I'm done.' How can you play with a broken thumb on your throwing hand? It is like a receiver with a broken foot, it just doesn't add up, but I was willing to give it a try. Call it crazy or whatever. It hurt. It hurt like hell but I played OK."
4. Favre doesn't just hold the record for most career touchdown passes. He has also started 241 consecutive football games, second only to Jim Marshall's record of 270. Think of it like Cal Ripken and Barry Bonds all rolled into one. Impossible? Apparently not for a small-town kid from Kiln, Miss. with an arm like a cannon and a gut made of reinforced concrete.
So, is there any way to explain how Favre is suddenly the best quarterback in the league 10 years after his last Super Bowl victory? Any way to explain why the man who's always been tough as nails is now playing with the zip and flair of a spring chicken? Sure you can talk about new offensive schemes, playing within the system and a strong coach-quarterback connection, but I know the real reason. It's time to start checking those water bottles.
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