Hey you! Let's play a game similar to word association. I'm going to throw out a sports word, subject or person, and let's see what first comes to your mind.
For example, what are the first things you think of at the mention of New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick? Yeah, yeah, I know. Winning seasons and Super Bowl Championship dynasty, right?Don't forget to add sketchy cheat. You may have forgotten about his illegal video recording fiasco, but I haven't. Not to stir up controversy, but does anyone else view the Patriots' past championship victories a little differently now? Who's to say Belichick and the Patriots weren't using these tapes back then? I say they do a "Marion Jones" and hand over the rings. It's the only right thing to do.
What about Kobe Bryant? Bad attitude. Anti-team player. Yeah, I feel pretty much along those same lines. I used to be a big Kobe fan back in the day, during the Lakers heyday before the Kobe/Shaq split. Now, quite frankly, I'm thinking, can he shut up already? No, you will not be donning a New York Knicks jersey this season. In fact, you probably won't be donning any jersey other than the purple and gold Los Angeles one you were assigned 11 years ago. Face it: You're not getting traded anytime soon, so stop whining. Don't you have anything better to do with your time, like buy your wife more apology jewelry?I'm sure you're not out of the doghouse just yet.
What about our own beloved Cav Man? Personally, I think of Cav Man as the epitome of understood, effortless coolness. Hello, the guy has moustache whiskers like 12 inches long and rocks boots yearlong, and yet we still adore him. I may be biased, but I can't think of another collegiate mascot that deserves to win All-American Mascot Challenge. Come on, I dare you to find another school whose mascot crowd surfs during the game.
Next up, Green Bay Packer's perennial quarterback Brett Favre. I'm thinking dentures, cane and saggy Depends butt. ("No offense to anyone out there who relies on these," umm hmm, awkward cough, "things.") I swear the other day I caught a clip of the '58 NFL Championship on ESPN Classic with Favre and his Packers going up against Johnny Unitas and the Colts. Okay, but honestly, hasn't every season since, like, 2004 been projected as Favre's last season? When does he plan on retiring? Was Michael Jordan not a good enough example? Don't stay around unnecessarily long and wreck your hero legacy. Don't be like Mike, dude -- drop the pads and leave while you're still on top of the game.
Virginia's reserve running back Mikell Simpson triggers what words? I think of hidden talent. We just keep pulling from the talent pool. The guy virtually single-handedly defeated Maryland Saturday. Slicing through defenders, touchdown sprints, seriously, was there any productive play in which Simpson didn't touch the ball? I'll ask the question we're all dying to know -- where has he been the entire season, and more importantly, why has he been there?
Now, Tiger Woods. What words do you associate with him? Golf prodigy. Buick Rendezvous spokesman. Sports drink? Yep, Gatorade announced Tuesday that Tiger Woods will soon have his own sports drink brand. "Gatorade Tiger," in Woods personally selected flavors cherry blend, citrus blend and grape, will hit stores next March. More Tiger brand products are expected to follow. Oh boy. What can we expect next? Tiger shakes? Tiger bars? Tiger fruit? Tiger cheese? I can see it already.
Another word association for you -- Spalding. Yes, the basketball. I think of 2007 ACC Coach of the Year Dave Leitao, All-American Sean Singletary and the prospect of Virginia's flourishing basketball program. Sorry, don't mind me; I'm just suffering from basketballitis. Not to worry, it's a common basketball fanatic's mid-football season hoop itch, easily treated with court exposure.
What are the first words that come to mind at the mention of the NFL Super Bowl? Testosterone-heavy living rooms, nachos (personal favorite) and possibly soon, London, England. Last Monday, NFL Commisioner Roger Goodell acknowledged that he's open to the idea of hosting the Superbowl overseas. He feels London's new Wembley Stadium would make a great candidate to host a Super Bowl. In fact, later this month, Wembley will host the first regular season NFL game outside North America. Hmm ... I wonder how the game will be publicized, since football in Europe isn't really "football." Get your tea and biscuits ready, people.
And the last word association, Coach Al Groh. When I think of Coach Groh, I think of triumph over adversity. Seriously, who believed after last year's disappointment that the Cavaliers would become a bowl-eligible team this season? No one, that's who. No one, of course, but Coach Groh. Even after the team's embarrassing season-opener loss to Wyoming. Even in the face of Virginia fans, students and alum alike turning on him, Groh believed. It's funny how a couple wins silenced the whole "Groh Must Go" movement.
So, many of you are probably wondering, what was the purpose of all this? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there really was no point. I guess I just needed to blow off some steam. Get some points across. Cheating is running rampant in the sports world, the most popular person around Grounds is a 4-foot-11 Mario and Luigi cousin look-a-like, professional athletes are playing until Social Security checks arrive, Tiger Woods has been given authority to dictate the public's food choices and U.Va. has a nationally-ranked football team. Whoa. If anything, this whole little exercise should confirm, if there was any speculation, that we are living in some pretty turbulent times. Fasten your seatbelt, hold on and enjoy the ride.
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