AS I SLIPPED my class ring on the ring finger of my right hand at the Ring Ceremony a few weeks ago, my mind wandered to that other major commitment affirmed with rings: marriage. Considered to be the holiest of commitments, the bedrock of society, marriage for many young people -- men and women -- is one of the ultimate dreams. For a significant segment of society -- and here at the University -- this dream is deferred. A few decades ago, this was the tragedy for interracial couples. Now gay couples are fighting for the basic human right of marriage. Those who hide behind such small-minded moral codes that deny people the right to marry forget that the greatest moral of all is love.
Gay couples aren't fighting for marriage equality just because they're romantic -- there are real consequences for couples not recognized by the state. Specifically, 1,400 consequences. The Lamda Legal Defense and Education Fund compiled a list of 1,400 legal rights guaranteed to married couples, ranging from joint filing of tax returns to joint parenting to domestic violence protection orders. Clearly the government wants marriage to be entrenched in American society if it awards so many benefits and protections for married couples. Moral arguments aside, it is almost illogical for civil society to advocate wholeheartedly for some people to get married, but not others.
But it seems callous to argue for and against gay marriage in terms of legal advantages such as tax return exemptions. That doesn't seem likely to tug at the heartstrings of homophobes. In fact, every oppressed group has been liberated when the larger society learns to see them as human beings, as an "I-it" relationship evolves into an "I-Thou" one. Not surprisingly, studies show that the cities and states with the highest population of gay people are the ones most tolerant of them and most in favor of extending to them full rights, including marriage.
The New York Times often gives gay couples a coveted spot on its wedding announcements page. In the Sunday issue, there was a story on the marriage of Franc Martarella and Alan Herskowitz, both middle-aged Manhattanites. They met like many New York sophisticates do, gazing at a "Casablanca" exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art. Franc loves French movies. Alan hates them. They both love going to movies, though. With major newspapers already celebrating gay people's marriages (that had to take place in Canada), people will slowly but surely see gay couples like any other, if they don't already. At some point, the legal system will have to acknowledge these marriages since most of society will anyway.
Same-sex marriage actually may be the saving grace to the crumbling edifice of heterosexual marriage. To cite the well-known statistic, more than half of marriages end in divorce. Many young people today already have developed a disillusioned, cynical attitude toward the altar. Gay couples and their struggle for equal rights remind these people how beautiful pledging one's life to another can be and how desperate many couples are for this recognition of commitment. By believing in the institution, gay people preserve it. True conservatives should be begging gay couples -- rather than picketing outside of courthouses -- to pledge a lifetime commitment to a monogamous relationship. As the civil rights movement struggled day after day for racial justice in the 1960's, many activists and regular people started to grow weary of Martin Luther King Jr.'s strategy of nonviolent resistance. Small wonder -- watching one's child being mauled by police dogs would challenge anyone's sanity and pacifism. King's answer to this frustration was to remind his followers that they were on the right side of history because they were on the side of justice. More importantly, they were on the side of love. He called his people to practice the Christian virtue of "agape," the form of love which he defined as "understanding, redeeming good will for all men, an overflowing love which seeks nothing in return."
The gay rights movement will not ever be fought with rifles or even vitriol. Gay people simply stand before us, the heterosexual majority, and ask to be recognized for their common humanity. They ask for justice. They ask for the right to wear a golden band on their left hands to signify love. It's really that simple. Give up the arguments about tradition, what is natural and what isn't, what God sanctions and what God? doesn't. At its core, the gay rights movement is a movement rooted in love. Who can bear to stand in its way?
Marta Cook is a Cavalier Daily Associate Editor. She can be reached at mcook@cavalierdaily.com.
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