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Midterm emo: a sickness

I knew something was wrong with me when I realized I had gone emo. I don't recall how it happened, but I found myself lying on the floor, spread-eagle and in the dark, listening to (gasp! dare I say it?) Dashboard Confessional.

I sat up in the middle of a long wail issuing from my speakers about how dreadful it is to be a middle-class American, flicked on the lights and turned off the music. What had I become?! Had I really let my midterms get me down so badly?

I stumbled over to my closet and quickly pulled a hot pink T-shirt over the black one I was wearing. I looked around frantically for the nail polish remover to eliminate all signs of the black paint on my fingernails. I looked down at my feet. I don't even own Vans, but somehow that emo-brand footwear had overtaken my feet.

I sat down at my computer and looked at my watch. OK, I have until midnight to write about something that is important, and then I have to study for the test tomorrow that I have so affectionately named "The Exam of Doom." My eyes scan the room for inspiration. There is my bed, which titillates me with the sleep I know I cannot have. No, during the two weeks in which all of one's midterms usually fall with rapid fire, beds do not get much use.

My eyes fell on my personal hygiene products. Hmmm ... I guess a toothbrush is pretty important, but I have substituted a finger before and am still cavity-free. What about my hairbrush? Nope. When one in the throes of exams has the decision to cram in a few more minutes of notecard study or brush his or her hair, the former usually wins. That could be why I have hidden under a hat and sunglasses these past few days, sneaking around Grounds incognito and ignoring greetings. Then there is Bruce, my plant, who cries for water and love -- but alas, no time!

During my visual scan, I spied the doorknob. The doorknob: a golden orb, the key to my freedom from the dank prison of my notecard-covered room! Yes, doorknobs are high on the "importance" scale -- level red, you might say.

OK, this had to stop. The happy part of my soul, which had been buried under loads of academic requirements, needed to be given air and sunlight. It was time to combat the dark emo-ness that surrounds midterms (like a heavy cloud of skinny jeans and black eyeliner) with optimism and joy. It was time to sing that beloved song from "The Sound of Music:" "My Favorite Things." It was time to frolic across a field of wildflowers. It was time to let my mind rest on unicorns and cupcakes and shooting stars!

There are many things making this life beautiful that emo kids cannot see through their side-swept bangs. Popping bubble wrap, sneezing and curling my tongue are a few things that, although odd, give me satisfaction. Does this mean I sit at my desk making myself sneeze with my tongue curled while popping bubble wrap to alleviate the pain of studying? No. Well, at least not all the time.

I am sure, however, that those emo kids do not relieve their angst by enjoying the simple pleasures in life, such as stepping on a crunchy leaf or talking to their plants named Bruce. In fact, emo kids probably don't even name their plants. (What, you don't either? Oh...) Also, no one can be emo (except maybe Yankees fans) when the Red Sox win the World Series.

So, rather than being an emo kid and festering in your room from the undeserved stress of midterms, think happy thoughts. Combat the black attire and Fall Out Boy with visions of riding pink unicorns and eating cupcakes, all while listening to Disney songs.

Maggie's column runs biweekly Friday. She can be reached at jones@cavalierdaily.com.

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