This is a campaign about change. We have a Mormon running, someone who thinks homosexuality is a choice and a biracial candidate who has admitted to using cocaine. And he might just win the Democratic nomination. With all this crazy stuff going on, a woman the American public has known for 12 years isn't exactly a major shocker. We may not have had a woman president yet, but we sure as heck know what it's like to have a President Clinton.
Yet for some reason Hillary doesn't seem to want the American public to pay attention to the fact that she's a woman. It would be a big deal if she got elected, even if it was just to prove that the U.S. is politically a step above Afghanistan. But the way I see it, Hillary wears ugly clothes and gets bad haircuts to prove that she's a "serious" politician who can make decisions about foreign policy and whatnot, and not a woman who's going to skip a U.N. summit for Nordstrom's semi-annual sale.
This hasn't really proved to be to her advantage. Hillary hasn't gained supporters by wearing unflattering pant suits, and it wouldn't kill her to get a better stylist (no offense, Chelsea). I may be a somewhat superficial person who thinks that clothing matters; however, I am not the only one to have noticed her lack of fashion sense despite unlimited resources. In a small writing break, I picked up this month's Vogue, and what did I find? Nothing less than a letter from the editor talking about the magazine's main fashion spread and how it depicts clothes that Hillary could wear from the office to a cocktail party. She's clearly a big deal if Vogue is talking about her, so I started to snoop around. Besides the little snippet from Vogue, a Washington Post Pulitzer-winning fashion columnist wrote article about her cleavage, and there are many more where that came from on the Web with titles like "The Photo That Proves Hillary Clinton Once Owned A Skirt" from jezebel.com.
I understand that whole campaigns can be maligned by an expensive haircut, and Hil doesn't want to isolate the common man, but enough is enough. Plus, besides photo-ops with orphans, what do first ladies do besides get designer clothing for state balls and diplomatic visits?Exactly. Hillary had eight years to get her style down. She broke the norm because she was probably in the back room plotting her own election, but now is her chance to shop and shine. If Hillary would let me make her more Jackie O and less Ellen DeGeneres in an awkward stage, I think she might just have a shot at this Democratic nomination thing.
Here are my suggestions if I ever got an audience with Senator Hil:
-- Get a legitimate makeup artist and not a politically correct 15-year-old from the projects who knows how to wield a LipSmackers. I've heard Bobbi Brown is a Democrat, and your eyeliner makes me nervous.
-- Buy some legitimate but classic jewelry, like pearls. As long as you avoid blood diamonds or anything Melania Trump wears, handcrafted jewelry from the developing world is not actually necessary.
-- Stop wearing really awkward Mandarin-collared suits. I pray that this is not you trying to be all "international" and what not. Never fear -- nobody is confusing your global knowledge with W's.
-- The left half of your teeth are less white than the right half. Nitpicky, I know, but when you're photographed every day ... I mean even Britney has time to hit up BriteSmile in between custody battles and hit-and-runs.
-- Buy a dress! Or a skirt! As long as you don't buy a sequined mini at Forever 21, people might start liking you. Because no matter what they say, image is important. After all, could the average American name an accomplishment of JFK's besides being ridiculously good looking? Seriously doubtful.
Last but not least, you are allowed to smile, and I believe Paris Hilton gives lessons if you're still unsure of how not to look like you're in the middle of a colonoscopy.
You could be the first female president! So dress like a hottie and not Bartleby the Scrivener.
P.S. Your hair is ever so slightly reminiscent of Bon Jovi's, and this campaign is about change. Sometimes a $300 haircut is in order.
Alex's column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at jospin@cavalierdaily.com.
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