Valentine's Day is a funny kind of holiday. My guess would be that it originated from a secret conspiracy between Hallmark, Godiva and eHarmony.com, although that would mean Dr. Phil has been alive forever. Actually, I believe that.
Anyway, through my extensive research (Wikipedia) I learned Valentine's Day is "the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other" and was named after a few Christian martyrs. How romantic. But this is not really the modern definition of Valentine's Day, especially here at the University. If I compared the number of people I know going on romantic dates to my friends who are going out to vaguely pink-themed parties tonight, there's pretty much no contest.
Is it a problem that I know hardly anyone who's in a functional relationship that's not long-distance? I, for one, don't think so. Considering the combined stress of school, alcohol weight and pending unemployment, I don't think anyone should be terribly concerned about not being in a relationship. (But if you are trying to have a bigger family than Jamie Lynn, you should probably be stressed because you have a lot of catching up to do.)
People kept telling me to write about what you should do today if you're not in a relationship. Ah, the pitiful group of singles who aren't having a candlelit dinner with a special someone. They are relegated to drinking copious amounts of alcohol and pondering why no one loves them. I feel like it's fairly obvious, but here are a few tried and tested ideas:
1.) Eat excessive amounts of chocolate and candy. If you are depressed about V-Day, this should work, as eating your feelings is generally effective. On the downside, if you do this too often, you could become overweight, but I've found that this won't hurt your chances of having a date next year unless you allow it to affect your dating habits.
2.) Exercise and get some endorphins. Then do laundry and homework and feel superior to people who are wasting their time having "fun." Not. That's really lame. If you do one thing, make sure not to do anything healthy or productive today.
3.) Get some friends together and watch really good romantic comedies like "When Harry met Sally," drink wine and eat a lot. Just make sure not to do this alone or with someone who has just gotten out of a relationship. Nobody likes a soggy brownie. Alternately, you could watch "Snakes on a Plane" or see "Cloverfield" and forget all about love and happiness.
4.) Go listen to a vagina speak. The Vagina Monologues are tomorrow and Saturday. They will definitely give you a different perspective on female genitalia. And try to bring the most close-minded single male you know. Bonus points if he says things like, "Why are you in school when women are only good for making me dinner and giving foot rubs?"
5.) Embrace the day. Eat chocolate, go out with your friends, listen to newlywed Avril Lavigne's "So Much for My Happy Ending" and revel in your singleton lifestyle. Wear pink or red, or drink so much that you throw up and your outfit becomes that color. Actually, that's really gross.
Despite being single, I must admit I thoroughly enjoy Valentine's Day. A chance to eat lots of chocolate, wear pink and go out with my friends who may or may not complain about how worthless boys are. It sounds like every day of my life with higher-quality chocolate. But if you're on a romantic date tonight, I promise I will probably hate you a little bit, and I might accidentally show it. Oh well. Happy martyred Christians' day!
Alex's column runs biweekly Thursdays. She can be reached at jospin@cavalierdaily.com.
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