A girl on my study abroad program has a long-term boyfriend -- I've been hearing about him since the first day I met her in London.
He seems like a pretty good guy. The couple have been dating for almost four years, and he plans to visit in May. The girl told me they live together at school and are moving in the direction of marriage.
Lately, however, I've been hearing less about her boyfriend and more about another boy studying abroad with us.
A few nights ago, my friend did not return to her bed after a night on the town. Instead, she had a sleepover with this new boy. This got me thinking about relationships while studying abroad. Is it even possible to uphold a relationship while abroad or to begin one?
Though I am not in a long-distance relationship nor have I ever been, when I learned about this girl's unfaithfulness, I found myself confused and a bit angry. When so many girls are looking for relationships, this girl is throwing away a very serious one in order to have a fling with an expiration date.
What bothers me is not that she's having a fling or even that she is cheating on her boyfriend, but that she expects her relationship to go back to normal when she returns to school in a few months.
To me, a relationship has always meant the commitment to be faithful despite the circumstances. If that trust is broken, it is very difficult -- if not impossible -- to get it back. So why break such a solemn trust to have a four-month fling, if that?
Well, for starters, flings can be fun. They're spontaneous and new and don't require a lot of work or emotional attachment. But emotions can and often do creep in, frequently resulting in a broken heart or, perhaps in rare cases, a relationship.
I'm a more relationship-oriented person. I'd much rather be in a committed relationship, knowing where the other person stands, rather than playing games with a guy, completely unaware of what he's thinking. But what is a relationship-oriented girl to do while studying abroad?
Study abroad programs are perfect for flings, for obvious reasons. There's very little commitment, and it's almost guaranteed that it will end in a few short months. Even girls in relationships have discovered that a fling is the way to go when abroad.
When I asked this girl why she decided to cheat on her boyfriend, she said "because it feels good just to lay next to someone." Sounds to me like the emotions have already started to creep in, and it's been less than a week.
So while she's throwing away a relationship for a fling, I'm dodging flings for a relationship, an extremely difficult task considering the circumstances.
Is it possible to find a relationship while studying abroad, or is it automatically a fling because it has an expiration date? I suppose we'll find out...
Courtney's column runs biweekly Tuesdays. She can be reached at kessler@cavalierdaily.com.
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