Overcome by an attack of emo-itis -- the depression one slips into whenever an exam approaches -- I laid face-down on my bed contemplating the woes in my life. Penniless and alone, that was my horrid state, and modern technology was to blame.
Currently, I do not have enough money to do a load of laundry. Well, I do have enough, but you can't withdraw amounts less than $20 from the ATM, and I loathe to ask a teller to withdraw the $5.67 from my checking account.
Am I to blame for my irresponsible spending patterns and desire for large quantities of ice cream and jewels? No, the blame lies with online banking. If transferring money from my savings to checking accounts required me to endure human interactions at a bank, my savings account would not now be empty. Is online banking convenient? Yes. Is it a ploy to increase consumer spending by making it easier, and therefore, maintaining a robust economy? Yes, as well.
Money is very important because you need it for food, and I do not have a solution for this money problem. I just may not eat anymore, or I may start interpretive dancing on the Corner and charging people to watch.
Another problem of the modern age is mass music sharing. Whatever happened to the days when someone made you a mix tape and every word emitted from your boom box was carefully selected to tell you how the mix-tape maker felt about you? CDs are far less personal. Mass amounts of music can be shared, and that is fine, but then I am left questioning whether the kid who made me a CD that opens with the lyrics "baby when the lights go out" is trying to proposition me or just likes the song. It would be very embarrassing if I misinterpreted his intent.
Back in the horse-drawn carriage days, people did not have this music sharing problem. Elizabeth Bennet could play a little ditty on the piano and then look up into Mr. Darcy's eyes, revealing all. Oh, so simple.
Weather.com is another modern invention that can be disastrous in its helpfulness. For example, when everyone has checked the Web site but you, you become the sole awkward kid wearing pants in the hot afternoon when everyone else is more appropriately dressed. This was me last Wednesday. So, I decided that I did not want to be left out of the fun shorts-wearing, and wore them the next day. But everyone else seemed to have known that Thursday it would not warm up in the afternoon ... and I felt stupid. Darn you weather.com and your ability to help only those who look for it!
What we need more of are old-school chimney sweeps. From my knowledge (derived from the lovely "Mary Poppins"), chimney sweeps dance around the streets and sing all day. I think the University could use some of that for good cheer.
We could also use more horse-drawn carriages. I imagine the investment in a horse and carriage would be about the same as for a small car. (I don't have exact numbers because apparently you can't really buy horses online.) Horse feed is so much cheaper than gas, so fiscally you would win when it came to the fueling process -- not to mention how much it would help the environment.
My point? While I love running water, calculators and ice milk dispensers, maybe some mix tapes and carriage rides would make this world a happier place.
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