It's late April again. Finals are starting in a few weeks, temperatures are rising and The Cavalier Daily is getting ready to stop production until next semester. With that, many columnists like myself are taking this opportunity to reflect on the past. For a change of pace, I've decided to instead speculate on the future. Specifically, what will students' lives be like 10 years from now?
To answer this question, I've created a preview of the articles that will run in The Cavalier Daily a decade from now. Read and enjoy.
Football coach Mike Groh announces signing of second-grader
Last night, Virginia football coach Mike Groh received a commitment from Greg Long, the son of former Virginia All-American Chris Long. Virginia's football team has not made a bowl game since Long's senior season in 2008. "This is exactly the kind of blue-chip recruit our team needs," Groh said. "I hope I'm still around when he turns 18." Greg Long, a 4-foot-4, 74-pound defensive end, has registered eight sacks this year in Pee Wee football.
MyFaceTube accounts for 95 percent of University network traffic
ITC published a report today detailing an alarming trend in the usage of computers in dorms, labs and libraries on Grounds. MyFaceTube. the product of the 2015 merger between MySpace, Facebook and YouTube is apparently dominating student life. "It's how I spend every waking hour," first-year College student John Doe wrote on The Cavalier Daily wall.
The Cavalier Daily retracts and apologizes for offensive comic
The editors of The Cavalier Daily issued an apology for running a comic that has generated much controversy on Grounds. This marks the fourth time such a retraction has been made this year, all of which were from the strip "Censor This."
Global warming making you sweat? Check out the Life section for tips on how to stay cool and comfortable this November.
Google unveils plans for Google Car
Google's next major release, the Google Car, is set to hit markets sometime next year. The Google Car will be the first car to be paid for entirely by advertising. It will keep track of users' driving history and personal preferences and will navigate them toward sponsored stores and restaurants accordingly. Google expects to be competitive with the recently released iCar, which can check e-mail, play MP3s, instant message, video chat, browse the Web, edit film and file tax returns.
Honor Committee forms Sanction Reform Committee
An ad hoc committee was formed this week to debate the controversial issue of the single sanction. The committee, the sixth of its kind, is determined to reach a conclusion or viable plan of action this time around, seriously.
Macs outnumber PCs on Grounds
A recent survey found that more University students use Macs for their personal computers than PCs. The trend of increasing Mac popularity has stayed strong since the early 2000s. "Great, now how am I supposed to stand out and be cool if everyone else is using Macs too?" said one student when informed that Macs outnumber PCs. In response, Steve Jobs has vowed to double the price of Macs to prevent them from becoming mainstream.
Chairman of Federal Reserve Ken Elzinga expects economy to rebound in 2019
Investors were relieved yesterday to hear optimistic projections for the economy's future. Elzinga's conjecture was a result of a graph he drew of long run aggregate supply and aggregate demand, which suggested that real GDP would increase in the near future; however, Elzinga lost two points for forgetting to label the y-axis on his graph.
It's spooky looking into the future like that, isn't it? At least that MyFaceTube thing sounds awesome. I can't wait to spend every waking hour using it ...
In all seriousness, though, the University will graduate more students, and The Cavalier Daily will run more stories in the next 10 years than I care to count. There will be a lot of changes, but hopefully what makes this University great will stay the same. I'm told that I'll be graduating next month, which means this will be my last column for The Cavalier Daily. It's been an honor to have students read my musings and attempts at humor. Take care, U.Va.
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