The funny thing about college newspaper writers is that we are unceremoniously fired after four years of dedicated service, no matter how magnificent the prose, no matter how hard-hitting the journalistic prowess. You're the next Bob Woodward? Guess what -- you're unemployed. You have so many Pulitzers you use the early ones as beer coasters? Find another job. When the end of your fourth year rolls around, we're kicked to the side of the tracks while the train keeps on running.
This is kind of misleading, since none of us writers actually get paid. But the hurt is still the same. The compensation we receive from contributing to this, the last true bastion of student self-governance, is the knowledge that we have enriched the University community through the majesty of the written word.
Well, not me, of course. The three people who have read this column in the past can tell you that I've spent 99 percent of my time writing about the most inane crap you can imagine. I've written about Louie Anderson more than I have Thomas Jefferson. I've mentioned "Cat Fancy" magazine more than the honor code. Most of the people who regularly read Life columns (except for my mom -- Hi Mom!) do so because they have some time to kill. Nothing goes better with forcing "No Fried Fridays" dining hall gruel down your throat than 700 easily digestible words on page B3. The columns take just long enough to read not to attract the attention of your TA? in that PLAP 101 discussion.
But at the same time, Life columns highlight one of the best-selling points for The Cavalier Daily -- they are brief snapshots of the lives of real students. People read the Life section to get a taste of what is actually going on at this University. Life columnists have to fill in the human gaps that are often lost in stories of Honor trials, protests and people getting hit by cars crossing the street. I truly believe that each and every one of my fellow Life columnists does an incredible job stitching threads of real, experienced life into the fabric of this paper.
The best stuff in The Cavalier Daily is written about this University. There's a reason why people would prefer to get their national news from CNN and The Washington Post (sorry, Nation & World section). It's because those media outlets do a very, very good job. Not to say that The Cavalier Daily doesn't, but we simply don't have the resources available to us that, say, The New York Times does. In my time at the paper, I've done my best to focus my columns on tangible things people care about -- Halloween costumes, viral outbreaks, self-help advice for University celebrities, Greek life and the benefits of biking to class. I've occasionally branched out by talking about politics, but overall I've stayed on Grounds.
I've received my fair share of criticism for my column, like that time two years ago when a Lawnie wrote me a furious e-mail after I lampooned Lawn resident stereotypes. This resident was the "activist" on the Lawn, who, according to me, actually hates poor people. The ombudsman once chided me for not writing substantive-enough pieces, citing the line about the 2006 Congressional elections: "the Republican leadership disappeared faster than butterscotch crumpets at Louie Anderson's birthday party." That one stung a little bit. But I got up, dusted myself off and went back to making idiotic pop culture references the very next week.
So what's next? I'm headed to the real world next year. I've even managed to secure a job writing for a living. But I'm going to miss spending a few hours every two weeks trying to think of a stupid rant people might want to read. I know the non-graduating columnists will carry on the proud tradition of distracting their fellow students in class. But it's not just distraction; it's brightening somebody's day, and that's what I love most about this paper.
It's been fun.
Brendan's column ran biweekly Mondays. He can be reached at collins@cavalierdaily.com.
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