Floyd Mayweather is the world's best pound-for-pound boxer, according to many aficionados of the sport (of which I am not one). But apparently, his brains don't match his brawn, as he somehow decided it would be a good idea to fight Big Show in Wrestlemania XXIV . I don't watch World Wrestling Entertainment wrestling (because it's fake), so I didn't see this match, but this story was too good to be true. Big Show is 7 feet tall and weighs 441 pounds, compared to Mayweather's 5-foot-8, 159-pound stature. If this were a real fight, it would be a recipe for disaster for the man they call Pretty Boy.
Naturally, "Money" Mayweather took down Big Show, ultimately defeating the somewhat gargantuan wrestler by knocking him out with a powerful punch, albeit aided by brass knuckles. Fortunately for Mayweather he was able to survive just as, being a WWE match, everyone knew he would, but this bout got me thinking about some other athletes I'd like to see get in a wrestling match with a 7-foot, 441 pound human being:
Michael Vick, prison quarterback: Vick is at the top of the list, after word emerged that he is staying in shape by tossing the pigskin to fellow inmates at the United States Penitentiary in Leavenworth, Kan. This wrestling match could be entertaining because it would probably entail Vick running around the ring in circles, trying to avoid the Big Show the same way he dodged oncoming rushers. Except this time, there's only so far he could go.
Greg Paulus, Duke point guard: We know Paulus improved his game this year, but he still has the same reputation as in previous seasons. This match would let us see how many charges he could attempt to take and how many flops would result.
Chris Simon, Minnesota Wild left wing: This violent hockey player has already used skates and hockey sticks as weapons. Imagine this guy with a folding chair or brass knuckles. Those weapons might be a downgrade for him, though.
Jose Canseco, retired baseball player: The slugger-turned-author and victim of the funniest home run ever hit has been the biggest snitch in recent sports history. Who cares if his first book was fairly truthful? After allegedly offering to keep White Sox outfielder Magglio Ordonez out of the sequel for a bribe, I think Canseco could use a good beat down. Oh, and it's not like he's never been hit in the head before.
Jonathan Ogden, Baltimore Ravens offensive lineman: The man who redefined the left tackle position makes a living pushing around huge individuals running full speed ahead. He might have a legitimate shot to shove Big Show to the ground. Pancakes, anyone?
Zinedine Zidane, retired soccer player: Remember the head-butt Zidane slammed into the chest of Italy's Marco Materazzi during the 2006 World Cup? I'd like to see the French footballer try the same move on the gigantic Big Show. Probably wouldn't work out too well for Zizou.
Roger Clemens, free agent pitcher: Clemens has burned a lot of bridges in the MLB, and with few friends remaining, he might not have anyone to talk him out of fighting Big Show. Clearly, he still wants money, after commanding almost $20 million for just four months of work last year. All the factors seem to add up: Both competitors might use steroids, both like to throw things at other people (bats, balls, props, punches, whatever), and so on. Although, afterwards, Clemens might misremember what happened.
Shaquille O'Neal, Phoenix Suns center: Neither of these guys would move around too much, so it could be really boring, but Shaq wouldn't be as physically overmatched as Mayweather. Also, think of the possible post-match quotes from The Big Aristotle...
Chris Long, former Virginia defensive end: Number 91 would show Big Show what being an athlete is really all about. Enough said.
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